If Things Were Different
by cforrester2000
Summary: Starts at the beginning of Series 2. Matthew was on leave in London, with Lavinia, and he runs into Mary. One moment of passion leads to a Long string of problems for both Mary and Matthew, And maybe perhaps one really good thing.
1. Intro

Authors note: The first time Matthew is on leave in London, not yet engaged to Lavinia, Mary and Matthew have a one-night stand and in shock, Mary leaves the next day without saying goodbye and returns to Downton.

_Downton Abbey-S2E1-Mary's Bedroom scene preparing for the concert-_

_SYBIL- Glad to be back? _

_MARY: I'm never sure. When I'm in London, I ache for Yorkshire, and when I'm here, I ache to hear my heels clicking on the pavement. I've forgotten about this nightmare concert. Why didn't you warn me? I'd have come back tomorrow._

_EDITH: But you'd have missed Matthew._

_CORA: I was going to tell you, Matthew's on leave, and he's in the village, so papa and I had thought it would be a good time to mend our fences. He's coming tonight with Isobel. _

_EDITH: And his fiancé._

_Mary: What?!_

_CORA: Edith, I don't know how helpful your being. _

_SYBIL: Matthew's engaged. He's brought her to Downton to meet his mother. _

_MARY: Well how marvelous!_

_SYBIL: You don't mind? _

_MARY: Why should I mind? We're not going to marry, but I don't want him to spend his life in a cave. _

_CORA: Exactly what papa and I feel. Please try to be happy for him. _

_MARY: Of Course I'm happy. Good luck to him..!_

The ladies begin to go down to join the welcome party for the Army support concert. After Mary announces she will be down momentarily. Anna, who can see that she is struggling with the revelation pauses. She could always tell when her mistress was particularly upset, more often, she felt, than her own mother.

"M'Lady, are you sure you're alright?"

Mary closes one of her many jewelry boxes, looks up at Anna in the mirror, and begins to tear up.

"Anna, may I ask upon your utmost discretion? Especially from my family, you cannot even reveal what I have to say to Mr. Bates." Anna takes a fallen strand of hair that had fallen and gently placed it back into Mary's hair clip, and somberly nods.

"Of course, M'lady. A proper Lady's made always maintains discretion."

Mary's lips curl slightly into the smallest grin she could muster, then fall as she turns to look Anna in the eye's.

"I shouldn't hope to disappoint you, but I fear I have, and most importantly will have brought shame upon this family, and Downton. I would hope by now that you know I cherish you, not only as my lady's maid but as a dear sister, more than my god given one's I dare say. That is why I feel as though I can trust you with this secret."

Anna smiles at the kind gesture, and then returns to her serious stance. Prepared to handle some major news by the look upon Lady Mary's despair, she nods, gently, for Mary to continue.

"I must speak of it into your ear. No one outside of this room can know of my shameful actions," Mary responds. Anna nods and bends to her mistresses level.

Mary swallows hard, and sniffles in a failed attempt at composure and begins to whisper into Anna's ear.

"I knew Matthew was in London. Matthew and I ran into each other while I was visiting Aunt Rosamound. We…We each did not spend yesterday's evening, nor the sunrise alone."


	2. Chapter 1

_Evening Prior_

_While in London, they had come across each other while walking through the town. Mary had spent her last full day shopping and had decided that Rosamound's Chauffer shall take her purchases home, and she shall walk. _

_Mary had yearned for the familiar sound of her heels clicking on the pavement, and this was her first and likely her only chance since she was to return to Downton tomorrow. Now that she is thinking about it, it often reminded her of her horses hooves when she would ride them. Those were really the only things still going for her at the Abbey. When Matthew left for the war, it seemed like he took the life of Downton with him. _

_DOWNTON. DOWNTON. DOWNTON._

_A place she once fought for, a place that had mattered a great deal once, all began to fade away when they broke off their engagement on the lawn, and the next day Matthew announced he was going to be leaving for the war._

_His exact words being:_

"_I no longer have any reason for my continuous stay here at Downton, and if I shall go, I feel I will mean more there than to anyone, anywhere else."_

_Mary had overheard the conversation, and Carson, who had witnessed the exchange, noticed Mary first, and coughed as to signify her presence. Sybil followed her as she ran to her room, crying. _

"_Mary! Mary! Mary!"_

_As she had recalled, Sybil was the only one willing to chase and call after her after that horrid occasion. However, now she could swear she had heard him calling after her, but strange as it would seem his bellowing seemed to grow louder as the memory carried on. She knew this hadn't sounded right, and awoke from her daydream to only his voice calling after her. She turned and she saw Matthew in his uniform flagging her down. _

_Moments later, he was infront of her, awkwardly smiling, just as exes who have just run into each other in public would do. Mary, still surprised to have him standing infront of her again, was even more surprised he was being so cordial. _

"_Mr. Crawley! I almost didn't see you there! In fact, I hadn't thought we'd be seeing each other besides in social gatherings, if ever. Had you not made that perfectly clear to my entire family?" Mary raised her brow and cocked her head to the side._

"_Ah, yes. Well despite what I said, I thought we could have a decent and civilized conversation with someone I had once deeply cared about, but I guess I shall make good on my word. I guess I shall bid you farewell. Goodbye Cousin Mary. I guess I'll see you at the next social gathering then." Matthew turns back to return to the town inn were he was staying while on leave. The way he spit out 'Cousin Mary' at her carried a particular sting that she hadn't felt since the day of the garden party, and she could not understand why. Had she said 'Mr. Crawley' hurt him that much? She'd think so. Unusual for Mary, she spoke up. "Matthew!" He stopped and turned. Dare she say he had a tear in his eye?_

"_Come. Shall you mind escorting me back to Aunt Rosamound's home?" Mary pleaded to him with her eyes, knowing deep down that for her comments, and previous actions, she should not be worth of his time. Despite this, and to her pleasure, he nodded and joined her once again. As they began to walk in awkward silence, both could sense the other one asking for the other to start the conversation. _

"_I do recall you saying you wanted to have a civilized conversation. I sure would hate for you to have had a waisted trip," Mary says._

"_Well, I suppose I was trying to say," he snickered, "Before I was interrupted, that I would like to apologize for my last evening at the house. I truly did not mean for you to first hear it, but most importantly after our separation, I did not care to see the reality or the emotion of those around me. And despite what I said or how I said them, I truly meant what I said in the garden…That I could only wish the best for you. Not to say that I wasn't hurt by the whole situation, but I can't hold a grudge against you, I must say." Matthew tells her as they round the corner of Rosamound's driveway._

_Sighing, Mary explains, "Matthew, I am ever so sorry for the way I had handled our engagement then. You must know that it never mattered to me whether or not Mama's child would have been a boy. It was…even more complicated then that. I could have ruined you, and your position. And I do ever so apologize for my outburst earlier. As you know, our last encounter was not the happiest for myself and then suddenly you're standing in front of me. I do accept the apology and forgive you, and I really can not blame you for it. I believe if I was in your position I could see your position." As they arrive at Rosamound's door, Matthew gently grabs Mary's arm and turns her towards him._

"_You know, you speak of this scandalous thing you say you have done that would have ruined me. Should I have not been granted the opportunity to decide this for myself? Had I not proven my loyalty and my love?" Matthew asks as the enter the house. _

"_I believe aunt Rosamound and cousin Rose are out for the night and have taken their staff with them. They were nice enough to let me keep the Chauffer, but I suspect that he has already gone to bed downstairs. Come into the drawing room and I'll get you some tea. Then we can discuss this if we must. _


	3. Chapter 2

After Mary's revolution, Anna felt dizzy sit down. Mary's cries began to grow louder.

"He's engaged now Anna! After we were just together last night, which can only mean that he was either already betrothed to her at the time of our encounter, which is most shameful, or he would have had to have asked her the moment after he had realized I was gone. If that is the case, I guess I shall have meant nothing more to him than a lady of the night, a premarital indiscretion. How do I face him, Anna? Moreover, how do I face his fiancé? Surely, he has told her, if he is going to marry her." Mary asks. Anna grabbed Mary into the most sincere hug she could have given to her mistress.

"M'lady, you had said earlier, good luck to Mr. Matthew. Now, I shall say it to you. I wish you nothing but the best. In the entirety of the time that we have known of each other, I have seen you through your worst and have seen you triumph. Now, I can't say that seeing him won't hurt. It is likely going to hurt a great deal, I'm afraid. I won't make you go down there. If you would like for me to make an excuse to his lordship and help you into your bed for the night, I will do so. But M'lady, I am afraid that not seeing Mr. Matthew would just be putting off the inevitable. If you go down and attend the concert, you will have to face him, however, you do not necessarily have to speak with him, nor her." Anna states.

"But of course I do, Anna. I am the eldest daughter of Lord Grantham, it is my duty to socialize. And at my age, and unmarried…" Mary's cries intensify.

"No, you do not, M'lady. And if your parents have anything to say about it, he can take it up with Lady Sybil or myself. You know she will always take your side, no questions asked." Anna continued, "Now what you shall do is the following. You are only required to make an appearance, shake a few hands, greet a few guests. I happen to have heard that Mr. Matthew and his guests are supposed to be seated up at the front. I believe I can hear the orchestra already starting, so you only need to stand in the back and wait until it is over. Then, I shall bring you back up to your room under the context of you feeling beginning to feel ill. You needn't talk to him, and possibly won't have to make eye contact with him." Anna tells her.

Looking relieved, Mary smiles. "Truly Anna, you are a doll. Thank you ever so much." Mary says as she stands and begins to walk down to join the festivities, still dreading the inevitable, with Anna on her heels. Anna had been right. Mary could hear the musicians already in the middle of a piece when she rounded the stairs. Off in the corner outside of the room, she could see both her mama and granny heatedly discussing something.

"I do hope I am interrupting. You both do realize that these people came to hear the musicians, correct? Not the Dowager Countess and Lady Grantham having it out in the hall," Mary exclaimed in a hushed tone.

"Oh, Mary darling. There you are," Violet turns towards Mary. "We have a very big problem. The vocalist that was going to perform the final piece of the evening has fallen ill, of course at the very last minute. Could you do the final piece in her place? You have always had the most beautiful voice. I only ask of one song from you."

"Mary. I was just telling granny that you should not be made to sing with you have just learning the news of Matthew's engagement today, of course. I know you say you're happy for him, but I know you my darling girl. I will not force you into this role if you are not truly okay with it." Cora says, giving Mary a look of knowing.

"I appreciate your sentiment, Mama. I was not planning on going to see Matthew this evening, but this concert is for the troops, and we must very well do our parts, as we do our daily duties, I surely feel. Despite what one's own emotion is asking of them." Mary responds. "My one condition, however, is that I must choose my own song. I will not be forced to attempt an ancient song that I was never prepared properly for."

Cora nods. "Very well, my dear. But please take this new information into consideration before you choose your piece." Cora says, as she pulls Mary to the side.

"What is it mama? I told you that I am happy for Matthew. What more could you ask of me?" Mary says, pointedly.

"When Matthew arrived, he did look ever so disappointed to not see you there to greet them. His fiancé does seem rather sweet. He did make mention to me that if I were to see you, he would like a word with you before he is to leave. Like I did say, I cannot and will not force you into this, because I know you are not truly okay with Matthews sudden engagement. I do believe, however, that this may bring some closure to you both. And Mary," Cora pauses, "I do believe that tomorrow, he is to return to the front. This may be the last time you can actually make amends."

"I shall decide after this song, Mama. But I can only tell you I think he has already said all that is needed to have been said. Can you send Edith and Sybil out to me when you return to them? I will need their help with the song that I have picked." Mary tells Cora.

Cora nods, somberly. "Please, Mary. Please promise me you will give what Matthew and I have said your utmost consideration?"

"I promise," Mary says. Cora leaves to return to her seat and sends out Edith and Sybil. A few moments later, they both enter into the hallway, both looking utterly confused.

"Mama has asked me to do the final song of the night. The vocalist has fallen ill. I need assistance from you both if I am to make this work." Mary tells them. They both nod, understanding the pressures that a parental order puts on each other.

Mary nods, signaling the final agreement. She peers around the corner to the room and eye's Matthew's back in the front row, with Isobel, and a red-haired woman, who she determines must be his fiancé. "What do we think of Matthew's fiancé?"

"Why? I thought you no longer cared for Matthew?" Edith asks.

"Don't be stupid. I don't care for him in any form of the word romantic anymore. He is still family and will someday takeover for Papa and we will all be left in the dust. I just want to make sure that the woman he has chosen is a respectable person," Mary sneers back.

"She seems nice. Her name is Lavinia Swire. Her father is a solicitor like Matthew. They seem happy." Sybil states. Mary's eyes fell. She truly did want Matthew to be happy, and throughout these two years, he has learned to be happy with this Miss Swire. Mary nods, and turns back to the group.

"We must hurry. I have a piece in mind, that I have wrote myself. Edith, I have a music sheet already prepared, if you'll play the piano. Sybil, I have the lyrics in a Journal upstairs with a red ribbon. Can you grab it and bring it to us in the servant's area? We will have to use their piano, just this once." Sybil nodded and made her way up the stairs as Edith and Mary went to the kitchen.

DOWNTON. DOWNTON. DOWNTON.

Even still, Matthew still hadn't seen Mary, whom cousin Cora had said would be down in a minute when they had arrived. After they had been together the night before, he was hoping to apologize to Mary for his actions, and hopefully, be able to introduce her to his future bride in the least awkward situation possible.

At the time of their reconnection, he and Lavinia had been arguing about him having to leave again to return to the front. Lavinia did not see that he was required to, and that on top of all else, he had a duty to his country to fight among the people he was going to be serving one day. He had stormed off after they had decided not to continue with their courtship.

That is when he ran into Mary in London. After their evening, and subsequent morning together, Mary had disappeared before he had awoken, and he had had to make a poor man's getaway before Rosamound, and Rose discovered him in Mary's bed. He knew he had made a mistake, and his conscience was telling him to return to Lavinia and fix things. He further explained to Lavinia that the war was important to him on a deeper level than she could ever imagine, and Lavinia apologized and agreed to stand by him and whatever he had decided. He proposed on the spot, and like that, swore to never speak of the night he had spent with Mary, and to never let Lavinia go.

But…What did this mean for he and Mary? They were still family of course and most definitely would be running into each other at events like the one today. He knew he and she needed to get onto the same page, but how? He still couldn't get the memories from last night out of his head and feared he never would. He began to stand and begin the inevitable search for Mary, when cousin Robert stood and announced the singer for the evening finale had fallen ill.

"But please do not fret, as any show for the troops must go on. So please allow me to introduce my daughters, Ladies Mary, Edith, and Sybil Crawley." Robert announced and returned to his chair. Matthew turned around to search for the trio. Suddenly, they appeared from the hall.

There she was…Looking as beautiful as ever.


	4. Chapter 3

A/U: Yes, I do know the song is by the Dixie Chicks, but doesn't it fit well?

She didn't dare look at him as they arrived at the head of the room. Sybil stood by Mary as Edith took a seat at the piano. As she began to play, Mary kept her eyes locked on Anna, who was standing in the back of the room.

(_Mary/_Sybil/**Both**)

Two days past eighteen

He was waiting for the bus in his Army greens

Sat down in a booth at a café there

Gave his order to a girl with a bow in her hair

_He's a little shy so she give him a smile_

_And he said would you mind sitting down for awhile_

_And talking to me, I'm feeling a little low_

**She said I'm off in an hour and I know where we can go**

So they went down and they sat on the pier

_He said I bet you got a boyfriend but I don't care_

_I've got no one to send a letter to_

**Would you mind if I sent one back here to you**

**I, I cried,**

_Never gonna hold the hand of another guy_

Too young, for him they told her

**Waiting for the love of a travelin' soldier**

**Our love will never end,**

**Waiting for the soldier to come back again,**

**Never more to be alone,**

_When the letter says soldiers coming home_

_(Break)_

Edith carried on with the piano while there was a break in the song. Sybil leaned over and whispered into Mary's ear.

"We most definitely will be speaking about what else was in that journal, Mary." Mary froze, while Sybil took the next verse.

(Resume)

So the letters came from an army camp in Paris, France, then Germany

And he told her of his heart

It might be love and all of the things he was so scared of

_He said when its getting kinda rough over here_

_I think of that day sitting down by the pier_

_And I close my eyes and see your pretty smile. _

_Don't worry, but I wont be able to write for awhile._

**I, I cried never gonna hold the hand of another guy**

**Too young for him they told her **

**Waiting for the love of a travelin' soldier**

**Our love will never end **

**Waiting for the soldier to come back again **

**Never more to be alone **

**When the letter says a soldiers coming home**

_One Friday night at a cricket game,_

_The lords prayer said and the anthem sang _

_A man said folks Would you bow your heads _

_For a list of the local German dead. _

Crying all alone under the stands

Was a piccolo player and the marching band

And one name read, nobody really cared

But a pretty little girl with a bow in her hair

(**Edith joins in**)

**I, I cried never gonna hold the hand of another guy**

Too young for him they told her

Waiting for the love of a travelin' soldier

**Our love will never end**

**Waiting for the soldier to come back again**

_Never more to be alone when the letter says a soldiers coming_

**I, I cried never gonna hold the hand of another of another guy **

_Too young for him they told her_

_Waiting for the love of a travelin' soldier_

**Our love will never end **

**Waiting for the soldier to come back again**

Never more to be alone

When the letter says a soldiers coming home

(END)

As Edith finished out the final parts on the piano, Mary had already begun to cry. This had been her way of discreetly telling Matthew that she was going to be happy for him, but that she will never stop loving him. The rest of the room didn't give the content of the song and seemed as if they only thought her song was one to show support to all of the troops, and began to stand and applaud, Matthew soon following after. She made the mistake of making eye contact with Matthew for the first time all evening, and she couldn't quite determine what was going through his mind. One thing she was sure of was he had to be pitying her beyond belief, and that only frustrated her even more. She composed herself as the three stood together and curtsied. As they began to return to their seats, Matthew caught Mary by the arm as she was passing him.

"Mary," Matthew attempted, but was just quickly stopped as she yanked her arm back and walked out of the room. She ran upstairs, for once not caring how anyone else thought of her, leaving everyone else in the room sharing confused looks between Matthew and Robert.

Deciding it was likely best to end the night there, Robert escorted everyone out and bid them farewell. When most of the guests had left, Lavinia leaving with Isobel after Matthew claimed he had some business that he needed to further discuss with Robert and promised to be home shortly. Violet hadn't left too long after Isobel. Matthew needed to ensure that Mary would be alright and discuss what their next steps were going to be to make sure they both could carry on platonically. Before beginning to climb the stairs, Matthew catches Robert eyeing him. He didn't say a word, but using his eyes, pleaded with Robert to let him go up to speak to Mary. Knowing that Mary would likely still be with the rest of the women, he nodded, and Matthew continued to climb. He found his way to Mary's door, and through it, he could hear Mary trying to quiet her sobs, as well as the gentle comforting of Cora, Edith, Sybil, and Anna.

He honestly had no idea what to do next. He was an engaged man, who in a moment of weakness, let himself fall into the arms of an ex for comfort. He couldn't lie, the night they spent together was one of the best of his life. But, after awakening in an empty bed, Mary's choice had been made crystal clear to him. However, after seeing what that song had meant to her, and her reaction after, he couldn't be sure what to make of Mary's sudden departure. Deciding that they did indeed need to talk, he knocked lightly on the door. He was surprised when both Anna and Cora had answered the door. Cora asked for Edith, Sybil and Anna to leave the room. After they did, Cora stepped out and lightly shut the door behind her.

"Matthew, I am so sorry, but I don't think Mary will be speaking to you this evening. She has actually just fallen asleep. I think your happy news, her arrival home and having to sing all within a few hours time has tired her out for today." Cora tells him.

"I see," Matthew starts. "Of course, she is indeed likely exhausted. Could you just see to it that she receives this," Matthew asks, handing Cora an envelope. "I wrote this in case she did not follow through in seeing me this evening. It contains everything that I wish I was able to tell her in person tonight."

"Of course." Cora says and smiles at Matthew. She walks him to the stairs, but then stops him. "Matthew, I do hope you know that, despite what has transpired between you and Mary, Robert and I both still deeply cherish you, and continue to pray for your safe return from this horrid war."

"Thank you, Cousin Cora. Your sentiments do mean ever so much to me." Matthew says as they say goodbye with a kiss on the cheek. After watching his car pull away, Cora returns to a wide awake Mary, whom had asked Cora to send Matthew away.

"Mary, I am not pleased that you made me lie to him. I understand that after your song, you were rather upset. I do wish you would be honest with me and discuss what you are feeling." Cora tells her.

Mary sighs, and opens her mouth to start, but is interrupted as Sybil walks into the room, having eased dropped on the two.

"Mama, Mary and Matthew slept together." Sybil blurts out. Cora gasps, and turns back to Mary.

"Mary…Please tell me this is not true." Cora asks.

Mary cries and looks down. She begins to nod. "It is Mama, it is true. When I was in London, we ran into each other, and we did. It was a mistake and as soon as I realized it, I was on the train and back here at Downton. I didn't even say goodbye to him. God, Mama. What have I done? I can't even be sure what his engagement status was when we were together. I have ruined this family, and if it gets out, his family too."

"Mary, what were you both thinking? I'd surely hope he wasn't engaged at the time because there will be a lot of fall out from this if so. Did you two ever consider the possibility of what might have resulted from your "encounter"?"

"Mama, I swear to you, we had only been talking of our past and the war. We both needed comfort, to help us move on." Mary tells her. Sybil moves to hold her hand, and Mary smiles up at her.

"You both never thought about the consequences of these actions did you? What if your pregnant?" Cora exclaims.

Mary stops, immense fear enveloping her face. "Oh god, Mama. What ever will I do?"

Sybil interjects. "We will worry about that if the need arises. For now, this secret does not leave this room."

"Matthew left this letter when you had me refuse him. Maybe he can _comfort _you once again." Cora sneers as she walks out of the room, the door closing behind her.

Mary cried harder as Sybil hugged her. She recognized Matthews handwriting when she read her name on the letter. She grasped the letter in her hands, and Sybil lets Mary go.

"I'll leave you to read your letter. It will be okay, Mary. I will always support you, no matter what." Sybil smiles and walks out the door. Mary suddenly felt very alone. She pulled the letter from the envelope and began to read.

_My dearest Mary,_

_I write this letter to you if you do refuse to see me. I do hope you will read it. My hopes were that I would never have to give this to you and we could settle this face to face. If only things had been different. We confided several things to each other on the night we spent together. I thank you for having faith in me to hold your secrets, and accepting what I told you of mine. Mary, I must be honest with you. Our evening together was one of the greatest memories of my life, I will likely never forget it. I don't regret the night, and never could. When I awoke in the bed at Rosamound's house, alone the next morning, with no idea where you had gone, I was devastated because I knew that I had lost you in any romantic sense, forever. I don't think I will ever be able to understand why you did leave, and with me returning to the front in very little time, I may never get the chance to find out. But Mary, I do need you to know that Lavinia and I had not been together at the time we ran into each other. We had separated the morning of us seeing each other because Lavinia did not appreciate my need to return back to the war. I have no say in where I can and cannot go, and even if I did, I still have a purpose there, and I am able to defend the people I love back at home. Especially you. After I had left Rosamound's house, I knew that you had made a choice to leave me, again, despite how much I loved you. I knew that I had to at least try and move on, and find someone that was going to love me until my last breath. Part of me wishes it would have been you, but I can't keep chasing you Mary. I have to live and love every moment as if it were my last because it may very well be. I did return to Lavinia, and we settled things, then I asked her to marry me before we had gotten on the train to come to Downton. You do not have to worry about any word of what we did that night coming out from me, and I believe I can trust you to do the same. I do wish the best of happiness to you, Mary. I do hope that you can find someone that can make you truly happy in the ways that I couldn't. _

_All my love,_

_Matthew_

_P.s. Please do watch out for Lavinia and Mother if I am unable to return. They will need your strength and support to get them through. _

Mary closed her eye's that night not knowing what she felt. Scared, angry, fearful, happy, at peace. The one thing she did know, however, was that she could not let him leave without any form of goodbye.


	5. Chapter 4

The next morning Matthew awoke early in order to catch the first train. Deciding it would be better to eat on the train rather than drag the goodbye out, he gives Isobel and Lavinia a hug and a kiss, and says goodbye quickly. After he was to depart, Lavinia would be leaving to return back home in London shortly after. After last night, Matthew had secretly hoped Mary would be waiting for him at the station to see him off, or to meet him before he left. To his disappointment, she still had not shown by the time the station man had announced the last call. Sighing, he begins to load his luggage onto the train. Suddenly, a man comes running towards him, calling for him by name. He began to recognize Mr. Moseley, carrying a rather large envelope.

"Moseley, what ever is the matter?" Matthew asks.

"Sir, this arrived shortly after you had departed. Mrs. Crawley asked me to catch you before you had left and give this to you. She thought it may be of great importance." Moseley tells him.

"Thank you, Moseley. But I must be going. Please tell mother that I received this and will read it on the train. Please take care of her, Mr. Moseley." Matthew tells him, shaking his hand.

"Good luck, Mr. Crawley." Moseley says taking his hand.

Matthew settled himself onto the train and looked down at the package in his hands. He tore it open and found a letter and oddly a small, stuffed dog. He began to read.

_My Dearest Matthew, _

_ I hope you are able to read this letter before you leave. I'm sorry I could not tell you goodbye in person, but I fear I was not able to get out without being spotted, and I fear, same as last night, it would be too hard. From what Mama and Sybil have told me of Miss Swire, she is a lovely person and makes you happy, and I do regret not having a formal meeting with her while she was here. I will personally see to it that both your mother and Lavinia are taken care of, if the need shall arise. I do assume that you already knew that when you came up to my room to see me, I had not been asleep. I apologize for my actions, not only last night but also for the evening prior. I must agree with you. I could never soon forget our night together in London. I do apologize that I let our moment of weakness get the best of me. After what I had told you about Mr. Pamuk, you would have thought I had known better. And am just now wondering why you would have been with me knowing I was damaged goods? I do thank you for keeping my secrets and confiding yours within me. I do hope you have the faith that I will take those to my grave. To be completely honest with you, I don't have a valid reason, perhaps beyond the fact that I awoke scared, and feared that when you awoke, you would have been disgusted with what we had done, disgusted with me. You must know however, that besides you having to keep this from Lavinia, I have no regrets from that night. When I had learned of your engagement, I was truly heartbroken, I guess because it was then I knew perhaps that you would be gone forever. Thank you for telling me that you had not been betrothed at the time, which had been bothering me since the announcement. However, I'm afraid that immediately getting engaged after I had left, does not bring me as much comfort. I can't say that we would have carried on from where we were last happy, but it does carry a quite hefty sting, I must admit. However, I do see how your logic does make sense. But I must tell you Matthew, In the entire time we have known each other, besides the immediate beginning, I could never have wished for a better man than you. And I never likely could, because there are none. I have never wished to hurt you. Any of my past actions were attempts to protect you from me. I do love you immensely, Matthew Crawley. Always have and always will. If only things were different, indeed. Maybe we could have made each other happy, the way Lavinia has for you. I do wish nothing upon you but the best, but I do feel I must ask you this one question. Mama has learned about what had happened in London, and has asked me if we had ever thought about what would happen if I were to become pregnant. I must say it personally never crossed my mind, but I will not hold you down if it does happen. I will decide something then. And as long as Lavinia, and most importantly, you, are happy, then I will be as well. I cannot ask from you anymore than that. I am ever so happy for you Matthew and I am sorry that I could not be that person for you, that you were for me. I do wish you the best of luck Matthew, and as for now, we are okay. Please be safe and do not play the hero. XOXO_

_ All my dearest Love,_

_ Mary_

_P.s. This my lucky charm that I have had since I was young. You need it more now more than I, but please protect it and bring it home with you upon your return. _

Matthew fiddled with the small toy and thought. If only she could have said these things to me before. If only…he had allowed her time to. But Lavinia and he had had a relationship, like what he and Mary had, but the difference was until this point, Lavinia had returned his love unconditionally. And now that he and Lavinia were engaged, he had a responsibility to look after her. But by god, What if Mary were pregnant? He could not very well leave his child and their mother in the cold. And could he ever leave Mary in the cold? Crickey. What had he truly done?

As he put more thought into what he shall do from this point forward, he found himself leaning his head toward the glass, watching the rushing scenery go past. Its odd, but he found how quickly things in his life were going oddly similar to the scenery outside. He found himself wondering what Mary was doing in that very moment as well.

She was peering out of her bedroom window, wondering the same thing.

She was now having to quickly make decisions for herself unlike any other decision she has ever made before. She wouldn't act upon anything yet, but at least now Matthew knows of her concerns. If she had to, she would leave Downton in the middle of the night, never to be heard from again, if that was what it took in order to leave the family at peace. Until she began to show signs of pregnancy, she would not worry about making any plans, as they would be a waste of time until there was official word. For now she would just have to wait. Wait for news on whether or not her life would be changed forever, and now that she has set Matthew free, she suddenly found herself rather alone.


	6. Chapter 5

It wasn't long after Matthew's departure before Mary suspected. Her monthly cycle had failed to come, and every morning she was up before Anna, vomiting, for the past few days. Anna had begun to catch on an urged Mary to visit a doctor. Cora had also picked up on it and had been eyeing Mary ever since. Over the past several weeks, Mary had been checking in on Isobel and even got in contact with Lavinia and discovered that they were very similar in their likes and dislikes. She dare say she had begun a friendship with her. She had yet to have received a response from Matthew.

When she first suspected the pregnancy, her first thought was on how devastating it would be to this girl she had come to know and respect if it ever came out. Knowing that if she were to visit Doctor Clarkson at his office in town, she went to a payphone in town and called upon a doctor just outside of town and made an appointment for later in the afternoon, around three. She asked Sybil to go with her, and Branson agreed to drive them. They used the excuse that they were just going to go for a drive in order to get some fresh air after basically being home bound for weeks.

To be honest, Robert was just glad to see that Mary would not be moping around the house for at least a few hours. He knew that Matthew's engagement had hurt Mary more than he could ever possibly understand, and now that he was again back at the front, the possibility that they may never see Matthew again was particularly high. Around 2:30, Mary and Sybil met Branson at the car. The pair met with Doctor Gregson and he confirmed that Mary was indeed pregnant, around 6 weeks. He gave her a bottle of vitamins and told her that by the looks of it she was right on schedule and everything appears as if they were fine. He asked for her to return in about 4 weeks for another checkup, but she told the doctor she would have to let him know, as she was not sure she would be living in Downton in 4 weeks time. Sybil gave her a look, but remained quiet until they were outside.

"Mary, what on earth did you mean that you wouldn't be here in 4 weeks time? Surely you mean that you'll be seeing Clarkson from now on?" Sybil asks as the approach Branson with the car.

"So it is as we thought?" Tom asks the pair.

"What I mean is if every person in the town discovers that I am indeed pregnant, then it won't matter if I stay or go, the abbey and this family will be ruined. Now if I go, we can avoid the gossip, and this family can survive on the idea that the earl's daughter has run off. There won't have to be any mention of an illegitimate child." Mary says as they begin the drive back to Downton.

"But Mary, you'll surely tell Papa. He could never hate you. You're his first born. This will be his first grandchild. And surely you'll inform Matthew. I know that you mentioned pregnancy in your last letter. He will want to know that he has a child on the way, Mary." Sybil pleaded.

"From the start, I have had this planned out. I have already brought enough trouble as it is. I will inform Mama when we return and have a private moment, but other than you, her, Anna, and I guess now Mr. Branson, no one else will know of my departure and I will soon let you know where I end up, but I cannot stay here. It will ruin us. It will ruin Matthew. He'll have a less suitable title when he returns home if this ever came out. Now Sybil, you must promise me that when I have left, you will look out for cousin Isobel, and for Lavinia. I promised Matthew I would look out for them, but now I must look out for his child, and Matthew's livelihood." Mary says.

Sybil sighs. "So Matthew shouldn't get to know for certain that he has a child? What if it is to be a boy? Your son would be his rightful heir. If you take them away and Lavinia only has girls like Mama, this house will be gone from this family forever at some time."

"Matthew likely received my letter by now, and has yet to respond, so I say that he has made his decision. No matter what sex the baby shall be, I made a promise to Matthew in my letter. As long as he and Lavinia were happy, then I would be too. I have hurt him too much in our time to be as selfish to tie him down to fatherhood with a woman he can hardly stand. I won't tell him, and he will never have to know."

"And what shall happen when he returns home and finds that you have gone? Surely even you know that he won't just stay and let you continue living somewhere foreign. And if he were to ask about a pregnancy when we see him next, what so we say?" Sybil asks.

"I would surely hope you'd say that you only know that I had gone off in the evening and had said nothing of such a thing before I departed. Say that I went to join the circus, or to become a carney for all I care, but I told him that he would be free to be happy. No matter what I shall do, that is the only thing besides this baby now that matters. I am toxic to him, and whenever it seems like we can be happy, we get drug down a different path. Now, there is nothing you can say to change my mind. When everyone has gone to socialize after dinner, I will make my way to the boat. Perhaps I will stay with Grandmama. I don't really know, but the only way that both Matthew and I have to be happy is if this baby and I leave, and he and Lavinia will carry on here. I will always write or call to you, but I cannot say for sure whether I will or will not return at some time." Mary tells her. Sybil begins to cry and hugs Mary as the begin to pull to the front of Downton.

"M'ladies, you may wish to compose yourselves, now. We are home." Tom tells them. Mary grasps Tom's shoulder. He turns to her.

"Branson, even you must know of how severe my situation could be to the family. I beg upon your utmost discretion when it comes to my condition, and my soon departure." Mary tells him as she moves to exit the car.

"Of course, M'lady. A word about it shall not come from my lips." Tom tells her. She nods and she and Sybil enter the home.

"Ah, my darling girls, you were away so long! It is almost time for dinner, now hurry and get changed." Cora tells them as she ushers them up the stairs. Mary decides that now would be as good a time as ever.

"Mama, may I have a word with you before we go down for dinner?" Mary asks as they reach her door.

"Of course, my darling. What is it?" Cora says as she sits on Mary's bed as Mary closes and locks the door.

"I really do not know how to tell you this, although I do gather that you must suspect by now." Mary starts, and then is cut off by Cora.

"I already know darling. Your morning sickness and the urgent need for dry toast in the mornings have told me as much. Is that where you ended up going just now? To the Doctor?" Cora asks.

"Uhm, yes, but…I'm sorry I just suspected that you would be more upset with me at this point." Mary tells her.

"Well, when you told me your virtue had been taken by yet another man, I must admit I was not particularly pleased with you. But I have had several weeks now to let it settle, and I have come to realize that you could have done particularly worse with someone else, but we do care for Matthew very much. I do pray that this will bring you two closer, but it does spell out a particular grievance for Miss Swire. You must certainly write to him, tell him that he will be a father." Cora tells her.

"I will do no such thing, Mama." Mary starts. "In my letter responding to the note he left the night of the concert, I mentioned what you said about the possibility of pregnancy, and told him that I won't burden him with this. I won't harm his happiness and make him stand by me rather than Miss Swire, whom we know has made him very happy, especially in ways that I could not. I will say to you what I have said to Sybil. Matthew's happiness, besides this baby, is the most important thing to me now. Even if that means that I must leave."

"But surely you cannot mean that you will leave Downton." Cora asks.

Mary groans. "But how on earth Mama, do you suspect I will be able to stay?"

"We could make something up. Announce that you were engaged to be married, and your fiancé was killed in the war. No names have to be dredged up, but" Cora says, but Mary interrupts her.

"No. No Mama. I will not have Matthew's child brushed off onto some invisible person that has never existed, and have them told of some false man as their father. I have already decided that I shall go to America, and live my life there. When Matthew becomes the Lord of Grantham, I will not be staying here any longer anyway. And to have to look upon him and Lavinia always together while I'd be shoved in a corner, hiding my bastard child. If I go to America, this child will only know that they were always loved. I can't stay here Mama, with the ridicule and the curse that I would and have brought to Downton with my continuous failures." Mary tells her.

"But wherever will you go?" Cora asks.

"I don't immediately know. Maybe I will stay with Grandmama, or maybe I will just have to make something of myself on my own. Whatever I must do, I must do it soon so that I am gone before Matthew has a chance to return and learn of the news himself." Mary tells Cora.

Sighing, Cora nods. "I guess I can see what you are saying, but I can't say for sure that I would agree with it. Just please give it some time and a little more thought before you follow through with your decision. And you must promise if you do decide to go, you will let me know that you arrived safely, and let me know where you end up." Cora says. "If you decide not to join us for dinner tonight, I will understand."

Mary nods and Cora leaves to allow Mary some time. After Cora left, Mary let a few tears fall and pulled out a few sheets of paper and a pen. She wrote a letter to her father, Sybil, violet, Isobel and even wrote one to Matthew for when the time did come.

After she had finished, she gathered the letters, and packed as much as she could carry into one bag. She dropped her bag out of her window and left the letters on her bed. She quickly made her way downstairs and out the front door as if to avoid any or the servants. After she grabbed her bag, she ran as far as her legs could carry her. When she had reached the safety of darkness, she turned and let the tears fall as she said what would likely be her final goodbye to Downton.


	7. Chapter 6

It had been two weeks since Mary had runaway in the night. Not long after she had, Anna had come up to the room to prepare her for bed, and she immediately alerted the family to the empty room and her letters. Cora sighed, already knowing what Mary had done. Robert's letter essentially said that she was sorry, but she could not handle the pressures of Downton any longer, and having to play witness to Matthew's new love story would just be too painful.

Sybil, who had managed to grab the rest of the letters before anyone else had a chance to tear open the rest, without regard to whom Mary intended them for, read the letter with her name written on the front, off in the corner. Mary was ever so thankful that she had stood by her, even when she hadn't been truly worthy of the support. She promised to get in touch once she had gotten settled. She said that in her letter to Isobel, she asked if she may use the Crawley house to correspond with her family without anyone knowing of her location, and asked if Sybil would disperse them accordingly as they arrived. She apologized for how she had to leave, and asked for her forgiveness. Carson was the first to speak.

"Your Lordship, Shall I call the police and organize a search party?"

"No. I'm afraid she's gone. She pays that it was too difficult to stay and now she can begin to learn how to be happy. I do wish she would have come to me before doing this. We could have made it to where she would see Matthew as little as possible. I do get the feeling that there is something we are missing something. I mean this doesn't seem like Mary. Did any of you know about this?" Robert asks.

Cora and Sybil glance at one another, discretely sharing a knowing look with each other, before shaking their heads no.

DOWNTON. DOWNTON. DOWNTON.

She had been in America for about a week now. She arrived on a Tuesday. Her journey had taken a little longer than planned. She must say the jostling of the boat did not help with the morning sickness. Immediately after arriving, Mary called upon her Grandmama, and soon after, she was sitting in a car with her grandmothers chauffer, headed towards the Levinson estate. After speaking with Martha, they had decided that the best of course of action was to stash Mary at the Newport cottage in Rhode Island. On the weekends, Martha would host get togethers at the home. Martha and Mary agreed that if Mary would like to sing for the events, Martha would pay her very well.

So after the train ride to Newport from New York, here she sat on the balcony of the elegant home, watching the sea crash against the rocks outside. She couldn't help but wonder what was happening at home, and what trouble Matthew was facing. By now, she feared, Papa would have disowned her and never wanted anything to do with her again. She had written a letter home addressed to everyone, detailing that she had made it to her destination and that she was safe, but made sure that she did not leave any forwarding address. For now, everyone would have to settle for knowing that she was ok, wherever she was.

DOWNTON. DOWNTON. DOWNTON.

Back in England, the house had been gloomy with Mary gone. Robert, doubtful, wrote a letter to Matthew asking if he had any idea what may have happened that pushed Mary to run away. He hadn't heard anything, but what could he say? The war was still very active. Sybil had ensured that both Violet and cousin Isobel received Mary's letters. Violet's had been mainly a sincere apology, and Mary had admitted that there was more to the story and that she hoped in due time she was able to explain it to her entirely. Isobel's was more of the same, but in addition, Mary had asked her to be her source of correspondence, and begged her to keep the location of a local post office secret, that she would call to inform her of later, where she would be able to send the replies. She also apologized again for how she had acted when they had visited the abbey, and admitted to her how much it hurt to see that Matthew had moved on, but reassured her that she was indeed happy for him.

Robert, Cora, Violet, and Isobel had decided to meet at Downton in order to figure the best course of action going forward. Of course, Mary had reiterated that she had not wanted to be tracked down after she had left. Cora seemed to be the only one continuously reminding everyone of that. Violet had recognized this, but still thought they had needed to investigate this further, as she knew her granddaughter and knew this wasn't her. She did indeed know where it was coming from, instead. Her conscience was the only thing that could get her into the sort of trouble that she was in now. Both Robert and Isobel both wondered why they were just sitting there rather than out there looking for Mary despite her wishes. The four were beginning to have an intense argument when Carson entered the room.

"Your Lord, and Ladyship, please excuse the interruption, but Captain Crawley." Carson announces as Matthew rushes around him as fast as he could while being supported by crutches.

"Where's Mary?" He asks.


	8. Chapter 7

"Oh, Matthew, what a surprise! How are you here? What has happened to your leg?" Isobel exclaims as she wraps him in a hug, then looks down at his leg.

"I was injured, mother. A piece of shrapnel punctured one of the main arteries in my leg, but I will be fine. I'm back for now at least on Medical leave. Cousin Robert, I received your letter, and came as soon as I had seen it. What is known about Mary's disappearance?" Matthew asks.

"We don't know much outside of what I wrote to you. Cora has said that early that evening, Mary hadn't been feeling well and decided that she would just stay in her room and likely turn in early. When Anna went up to prepare her for bed, she was already gone. She left notes, but none to my knowledge contain anything pertaining to where she may have gone." Robert tells him.

Matthew looks away. "I fear this may have something to do with me. Outside of what mine and Lavinia's engagement announcement may have dredged up, Mary had written me a letter and after reading it, it took me about two weeks before I could actually send a response. I hope she hadn't taken what I said out of context, but by the looks of it, she may have."

"What on earth had you two been writing…" Violet started, but was interrupted. Sybil and Edith suddenly burst into the room, clearly having been ease dropping.

"Girls, what on earth…" Cora attempts, but Sybil cuts her off with a wave of her hand. She moves to stand in front of Matthew.

"What do you mean you sent her a letter?" Sybil asks.

"It had taken me two weeks to write to Lavinia and to receive a response from her, before I could give a full reply to Mary. I have ended my engagement to Miss Swire, and it has ended on amicable terms. We both knew that I could never be truly be happy without Mary. I wrote to Mary to tell her, and to ask her to wait for me…She didn't mention it?" Matthew asks.

"Matthew…" Sybil sighs. "Mary never received a letter from you. She told me on the afternoon of her departure that she still hadn't received a response back from you with regards to her letter." Sybil finished by giving him a look that said that she knew what was in Mary's original letter that he read on the train.

"There must be some mistake. It certainly would have had to have arrived by now…" Matthew says as he and Sybil both look around the room, in an attempt to find the truth.

"Fine! It was me!" Edith exclaims. "I took the letter and hid it. I wanted to make sure that Mary would not have the opportunity to ruin things once again by interfering with Matthew's engagement. So I took it and hid it in my things."

"Edith! How could you do such a thing!" Isobel exclaims, defending her son.

"Mama had told me to." Edith croaked.

All of the furious eyes that were on Edith suddenly turned back to Cora.

"You all did not see Mary when she and Matthew separated. When she learned of Matthew's engagement, she tried to say that she was okay, but I saw the same look in her eye's that was there two years ago. Her heart broke again the day of the concert, probably twice. So when I had discovered the letter that you had sent to Mary. I had Edith do away with the letter, then I hid it again so no one but me knew where it was. Robert, I was trying to protect our little girl from another heartbreak, but I fear I have only caused her more of it." Cora says as she begins to cry. Matthew felt terrible. He had feared bringing Lavinia to Downton would hurt Mary, but he wanted Lavinia and Isobel to meet before he was sent back to the front. Despite, this Matthew turned away, frustrated, and places his head into his hands.

A mix of Cora's, what have you done, and How could you's echoed around the room. The four resumed their previous argument, now intensified by the revelation of Cora's betrayal. Edith had run out of the room, crying that her secret was out. Sybil caught Matthew's gaze and motioned for him to meet her out in the hall. Cora, Robert, Isobel and Violet were still deeply involved in the argument, so his slipping from the room went unnoticed.

Sybil closed the door behind him and asked him to wait there. She ran upstairs quickly, and returned shortly after with two envelopes.

"Mama was never good at hiding stuff, but don't tell her I know where her place is. She always uses the same spot." Sybil handed him his letter to Mary. "When she left, she had left behind letters addressed to many of us. She wrote this one for you," Sybil hands Mary's letter to him. "I grabbed it before anyone else caught a glimpse of it. Maybe there is something in yours that she hasn't told anyone else."

Matthew tears into the letter as he eases into a nearby chair. He begins to read, and Sybil notices that he swallows hard every few lines.

"Cousin Matthew, you must know that when she wrote this, she had not seen your letter. What does she say to you?" Sybil asks him.

"She apologizes, but says that this is the way things must be in order for us both to be happy. She apologizes for not being able to hold up her end of protecting Mother and Lavinia personally, but says that she has asked this of you in her place. She asks that I continue on happy with Lavinia. She says she must follow through with," Matthew pauses, "what she promised me when I left." Matthew thinks deeply as to what she had meant, when suddenly realization hit him and he looks up at Sybil.

"Matthew, I knew Mary was planning on leaving. Not when or where to, but I did know," Sybil pauses, "And I do know why." Matthew stands as quickly as he could manage with his leg.

"Sybil, you must tell me." Matthew pleads.

"She swore me to secrecy, but of course, that was when she still thought you were engaged." Sybil contemplates telling him.

Isobel had interrupted the exchange by stepping out to the pair from the library.

"Oh Matthew. Mary's pregnant."


	9. Chapter 8

It had been a Tuesday in early September when Mary had arrived in New York, and the following day, she was in Newport, Rhode Island. Over the past week of being here, alone, she had developed a depression, knowing that she would likely never get to see her childhood home again, but knew she was doing what was best for her child, and for Matthew and Lavinia. After she grew tired of watching the waves crash on the rocks, she came back inside from the balcony, and began to unpack what little she had brought with her.

Since she had stepped off the ship, she couldn't stop thinking of Matthew, and whether or not he was safe. She kept replaying her plan to keep Matthew and her family in Downton in the dark about her pregnancy. Of course, her Mother, Sybil, and Tom, thanks to Sybil, knew of her pregnancy. However, Isobel was the one that Mary had chosen to entrust with the address of her post office, and to keep her informed as to what was going on with Matthew and the war. Well, to an extent.

She had actually given an address to a local post office to her cousin Rose, and called upon her when she arrived in America and asked her to be her middle person. She did not tell Rose she was pregnant and Rose didn't seem to think to much into it. She knew the pressures of having to be the proper English daughter, and agreed to help Mary, and swore that she wouldn't tell. This way if Isobel were to come forward with the address, she had some time to create a new plan. Whatever happened, she would make sure that Matthew and this baby were happy. While unpacking, Mary discovered that she likely left her favorite silk scarf in New York at the Levinson estate. She quickly called upon Martha, whom had confirmed, and said that she would bring it with her on Friday in two weeks when she would arrive for their first party together.

DOWNTON. DOWNTON. DOWNTON.

Matthew sat down, stunned. Isobel had come into the hall and announced that Mary was pregnant, and he furthermore explained that Matthew was the father. Sybil had been startled when Isobel spoke and turned to face her.

"How did you know?" Sybil asked.

"So it is true?" Matthew asks.

"I told her." Cora said as she, Violet and Robert entered the room, expressions hard to read.

"Mama, Mary had told us not to tell! She made us promise her! How could you?" Sybil exclaims.

"Now Sybil," Violet begins, "Do not speak to your mother in that manner. I do not agree with what she has done, but Mary is an adult, and has made her own choices."

"And so have you Matthew." Isobel interjects, looking at him.

"I'm sorry Sybil, but I have caused to much harm to Mary as it is. I will not let her go another day by herself, without the truth being known to everyone, including Mary." Cora pleads with Sybil. Sybil looks away in disgust.

"Matthew, may I have a word?" Robert asks. Feeling scared to be alone with the man whose unwed daughter was carrying his child, Matthew hesitates. However, he knows that he must own up to all of the choices he has made, so he eases up from the chair and hobbles outside with Robert in tow, and they begin to walk. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Matthew begins to speak.

"Robert, I am so…" he begins.

"Please don't try and explain. I brought you out here so I could tell you a story." Robert tells him, earning a confused look from Matthew. "Many, many decades ago, before Cora, I had thought I had fallen in love, young. One night I had gone out with a few friends to a pub in the town, and drank a lot more than I should have. This woman, Katherine, and I had been friends for awhile. We ended up spending the evening together, and went our separate ways the morning after. Soon, she told me that she was pregnant. I had the nerve to ask her if it were mine. I ended up dismissing her, and I believe a few weeks later I had learned that she had left the area. I learned, several years later, that she had had a miscarriage. It had been a boy, Matthew." Robert said, swallowing hard.

He continued after he and Matthew had found a bench to sit on. "I never told anyone of it, and a few years after, I met Cora, and we had the girls. I knew what true love was when I met Cora, but don't ever tell her that. It will go straight to her head." Robert snickered as Matthew stared on in the distance. "The reason why I wanted you to hear this story was to tell you that I have made some hard choices in the past myself, even some mistakes. And while when I heard of the situation that Mary and now you are in, I wanted to cause you a great deal of harm. However, despite Mary's recent actions, I know that she does love you a great deal Matthew, and I don't think I would be jumping the gun if I were to say that you feel the same way for her."

"I do, Robert. In my letter I had asked Mary to wait for me. I wanted to propose to her if I made it home to her, with your permission of course. And just so you don't have any more doubts about me than you already do, Lavinia and I had separated the day that Mary and I ran into each other in London. It was only after Mary had run away, that I went back and proposed to Lavinia. To be honest with you Robert, the only reason I did was because I was looking for a band-aid of sorts to help me move on from Mary. When I had wrote to Lavinia explaining why I had to break off my engagement with her, she had said she had already known, and could tell that we were meant together in the short time that Mary and her had interacted. She wrote that Mary and her had become friends of sorts after I left, and said that she could only hope for happiness for the both of us going forward." Matthew paused. "It all seems sort of ironic now doesn't it? Mary and I had always seemed to have been pushing the other away. But now that we both seem to be ready to go down the same path, and should be, it seems as if the universe is pushing us away from each other once more." Matthew says as he tears up, and puts his head in his hands.

"Matthew, can I offer you some advice?" Robert asks him. He nods, still holding his face in his hands.

"Mary has never been the level-headed one of the family. However, this, what she has done now, can all be blamed on her conscience. Even when she was little, if she did something extravagant, it was due to her conscience. She has always wanted what was best for you, and made you happy. At the time, that seemed as though it was Lavinia. Now, my boy," Robert places a hand on Matthew's shoulder, "you're going to be a father. To my grandchild. Don't get me wrong, I wish you would have been married before, but I cannot be a hypocrite. My boy, are you prepared to do right by them if we are able to locate them?"

"Robert, Mary and this child are my family. I know it isn't on paper or in the church yet, but they are. I have to find them. And when I do, do I have your permission Robert, to ask for her hand in marriage?" Matthew asks.

"Matthew, since you and Mary had first met, Cora and I had hoped that you both would end up together. When we had heard of your engagement to Lavinia, it seemed as if everyone in the family's hearts broke, not just Mary, but for the rest of us, we managed because she made you happy. And now, you both are having a child. Matthew," Robert paused as he began to tear up himself, "you have always had our permission." Matthew smiled and hugged Robert as he let the tears fall. They separated and Robert began again.

"Now, while Mother, Isobel, Cora and I were," Robert stops and snickers, "discussing matters, Isobel revealed to the rest of us that Mary gave her an address in her letter so that her and Sybil could write responses and get them back to her, I presume. It is an address in Scotland. I do have family there, maybe she called upon one of them and she is hiding there." Robert tells Matthew as he pulls a slip of paper from his pocket and hands it to Matthew.

"There is a train leaving from Downton tonight and shall arrive there by morning. I already have Carson setting us up on it. Now you must get to Crawley house so that you can pack. I will arrive with the car around 7, and then we shall go. I pray that she is there, Matthew. It truly hasn't been the same without her, nor you, here." Robert says.

Matthew and Robert both walk back up to the house, and are anxiously greeted with anticipation from the rest of the family, including Edith, whom now knew the whole story and was now willing to do everything to help them find her sister.

"Matthew and I will depart this evening, and go to Scotland, and see what, if anything, we can discover." Robert announces, and Mr. Bates goes to begin preparing his Lordships bags. Cora and Edith move to Matthew, and his frustration was evident on his face.

"Matthew, we are so very sorry for our role in all of the matter. Please, please bring them home safe." Cora tells him. Matthew nods, still not pleased with the pair.

"Mother, we shall be going. I must pack for this evening." Isobel nods and they both leave.

Robert and Violet give Cora a look of disapproval, and as they walk out to her car. Cora takes this as time to go upstairs and hide in her room. Sybil shakes her head as Cora walked away. She decided that she wanted to be alone too, and began to walk to the stairs. Edith grabs her arm as she walks past.

"Please, Sybil. Don't be upset with me. Tell me that you understand?" Edith asks.

"I don't understand, Edith. I never have understood your and Mary's displeasure of each other. I am not upset with you Edith." Sybil pauses, and swallows hard. "I am beyond furious. And I can't think of a time where I have ever been more disappointed."

DOWNTON. DOWNTON. DOWNTON.

Most of the ride back to the Crawley house was spent with Matthew trying to process the information that he had learned in the past several hours. He had entered the Abbey as just another wounded soldier, and walked out that and a soon to be father who was about to begin a journey to find the love of his life and bring her home. He smiled at the thought of Mary and him having a child together.

When they arrived, Isobel helped him into the house. He turned to Isobel, who had tears in her eyes.

"Mother, What is it?" Matthew asked concerned as he grabbed her hand.

"Oh don't worry about me, darling. I'm just so overwhelmed and happy about today. And your giving me a grandchild, with the woman that you love. I cannot say that Mary was willing to leave without telling you, but I can see her side at the time. Oh Matthew, you are getting everything you could have ever wanted!" Isobel cried and hugged him, as they both smiled.


	10. Chapter 9

As Mary continued to hide out in Newport over the past week, deciding it would be best for her to stay away from people until the very last possible second, each night, as Mary would climb into bed, she would glance at her stomach. At ten weeks now, Mary had begun to develop the tiniest of bumps she could swear by it. From what little Mary had known about pregnancy, and from what the doctor, whom Martha insisted on her seeing despite Mary's pleas of disagreement, had mentioned, this was happening several weeks early, but with the cravings she had been having, it hadn't been a big shock to her. She was having to call upon the cook for a chocolate scone each morning, and more often then not, one before bed as well. As she laid down after her call to Martha, Mary contemplates what Martha had told her upon her arrival.

"_Mary, dear, I was rather surprised to hear that you had gotten to New York, without anyone calling upon me and mentioning it. Why did neither of your parents tell me you were coming?" Martha asks as they take a seat in the living room._

"_Grandmama, they have sent me away for now. They said they do not want to know anything of or from me." Mary says as she looks down. _

"_But why would they do that? Not that you aren't welcome here, but typically that would only happen if…" Martha saw Mary look up, and knew by the look upon her face. "Oh my dear! What happened? Does the father know?" _

"_He's a Captain in the Army. He left soon after. I wrote to him and questioned him about it before I had had it confirmed, and never heard back from him. I think that is clear evidence of his answer there, or, I fear, he may have never gotten the chance to." Mary tells her. _

"_Well, my dear. What do you think you will do after the child arrives? Are you planning to return to Downton, and leaving the child here with another family? Or, are you planning on raising them? I would hope you give an immense amount of thought into the second before deciding to give my Greatgrandchild to strangers." Martha urges Mary._

"_Grandmama, I fear that if I were to give up the child to strangers, I could never bring it upon myself to ever to return to Downton either way. And Mama and Papa are likely expecting me to do just that, but I could never return to Downton with a child, and no husband. So I believe wholeheartedly that I must stay in America permanently. Despite the circumstances, I already love this child more than two parents together ever could." Mary tells her._

"_Ok, then, my dear. If that is what you wish. The story while you are initially here will be as follows: You were engaged to be married to a soldier. No names, but you were madly in love, but he was called to the war. You both had decided not to announce the engagement until after his return, so that you both could cherish the excitement together. He was killed in the war, and feeling burdened by remaining in the place that you two fell in love, you decided that you needed a new start, for you and your child, and do not know when or if you will return." Martha tells her, as she begins to pace the room. _

"_But sooner or later, grandmama, this child is going to ask what has happened to their Papa, and I don't know if I can lie to them." Mary cries._

"_Well, when the time comes, you'll have to be prepared and know whether or not they can accept the truth, or the story. I'm sorry, dear, but to be brutally honest with you, the father, likely won't make it through the war anyway. So in a matter of time you can investigate into whether or not he had lived, if that is what you wish. But, Mary, it may be easier if you begin to accept that this story is your new truth. I won't tell anyone, and your parent's I assume are the only others that know about this? They won't likely announce it either. I tell you, Downton is beautiful, but you all tend to be very superficial from the outside world, Mary. And I do mean this in the best of ways possible. " Martha says. Mary nods in response, and in that moment, knew that Downton was her past, and this baby and America was her future._

Mary had fallen asleep, and recalled this conversation as she dreamt. To be honest, the story would be easier to retell if Mary herself began to believe it. That her prince charming had proposed and died in honor while protecting her and his country. The trouble with this though, was that her prince charming was Matthew. Engaged, and possibly dead or alive Matthew, whom was off limits to her perfect fairytale ending. In fact, if he made it through the war, he was going to get his happily ever after, with someone else. She cried as she fell back asleep.

DOWNTON. DOWNTON. DOWNTON.

Matthew and Robert had gotten on the train a few hours ago. The longer the train ride drug on, Matthew kept getting more and more antsy. Robert finally grew tired of his constant bouncing.

"Matthew! Will you please!" Robert shouts rather loudly, which causes the other passengers around them to look up at the two. Robert apologized silently, and turned back to Matthew. "What has you bouncing around so carelessly over there?"

"I'm sorry, Robert. I just wish the train would already be in Scotland by now. In addition to that, my leg has had this funny feeling ever since we boarded. It's probably nothing, sitting to long and the muscles working to heal. Despite this, I feel as though on adrenaline alone, I could already have arrived. I need to find her, Robert. I'm nearly going insane without being able to hold her, or even see her with my own two eyes. I can't believe that I am going to be a father, god willing. I just wish that Mary had known the truth of my feelings for her, she could be safe at home right now," Matthew pauses. "probably yelling at me for crowding her, constantly asking if she were okay," Matthew laughs. "I want nothing more than to look after her and the baby for all eternity. I must say, despite my excitement, I am rather scared."

"Understandably," Robert says. "Every first time father feels this way. I cannot say much to hands on parenting, because to be truthful I never was that way. The girls were usually with the nanny, a nurse, or a governess. But this I can attest to. When Cora was pregnant with Mary, I observed the highest of highs with her, and the lowest of lows. And there will be times where you both are so frustrated with each other, that you won't want to look at each other for decades. But, when the sound of your child's first cries fill your ears, none of that ever matters again. And, the first time you see and hold your child, there are no words to describe it." Robert tells him. Matthew nods, listening intently.

"Mary was a month early when she was born. From what the doctor said, she came out with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, and completely blue. She was silent for nearly 3 minutes before she filled her lungs with air. Ever since, I could tell you exactly how long three minutes is worth because that is how long that I went without my child breathing. She was clinically dead for three minutes, Matthew, but she's a stubborn fighter. You'll both have to learn how to fight fair, I say." Robert says to him, and resumes reading his paper. Matthew hadn't known this, and thought it over the rest of the way to Scotland. _Three minutes. _Three minutes, and things between him and Mary could never have happened. He knew that because of those three minutes, he and Mary were having a baby, and more importantly, he would treasure every moment that he and their child would have together. It was a long ride to Scotland.


	11. Chapter 10

The next morning, Robert and Matthew arrived in Scotland, and called upon their relatives at Duneagle. The MacClare chauffer met them at the station. Deciding it be best to start the search for Mary as quickly as possible, Robert gave the chauffer the address to the postal office, and asked him to stop there before carrying on to Duneagle Castle. The chauffer obliged, and about 15 minutes later, they arrived at the postal office. The woman behind the counter was so shocked to see The Earl of Grantham and his heir in her presence, she near fell out of her chair.

"Pardon me, M'lord. I wasn't informed that you were expected here in Scotland, and even then I wasn't informed that you would be visiting here in particular. You must think me ever so disrespectful, with this place in such a state." The woman told him, as she tried to do some quick tidying.

"Please, mine and Captain Crawley's trip was an unexpected one, and happened quickly. We did travel with reason, however, Miss?" Lord Grantham asks.

"Reed. Sharon Reed, M'lord. What can I do for his Lordship?" She answers smiling.

"Well, I was hoping yourself, Captain Crawley and I could speak in private?" Robert asks.

"Certainly, M'lord. My daughter, Lizzie, is just upstairs. Let me fetch her to take over and you can have a seat in this room here, if you do wish." Mrs. Reed motions to a sitting room just off of the main office, and after Robert and Matthew are seated, quickly makes her way up the stairs. Soon after, she closes the door behind her, and takes a seat at the table with Robert and Matthew.

"Mrs. Reed, we must begin by asking upon your deepest discretion when it comes to this meeting. No one outside of this room must ever hear about what shall be discussed. Not even your husband, nor your daughter." Robert tells her.

"Certainly, M'lord. My lips shall be sealed." Mrs. Reed answers.

"Of course. And if anything shall come out later about what will be discussed, I do hope you know that both myself and Lord Flintshire will make sure that you will be tried to the furthest extent of her majesty's law. This is a serious matter and it shall not be taken lightly." Robert tells her.

"My goodness, M'lord. I swear on my Mum's grave. I shall only hope to help you as much as I am able in your presence. You as well Captain Crawley." Mrs. Reed straightens up, eager to help.

"Have you received any mail addressed to one Lady Mary Crawley? It is likely that it would have been recently." Matthew asks her.

Mrs. Reed thinks for a moment, then nods. "I don't think any mail has come in for Lady Mary as of now, that is sent to her here at my office. I do believe however, that there was a letter to be posted and sent out to one Lady Mary. It was posted by a lady's maid from the Duneagle home, I do believe. Just a few days ago. Let me see if we still have it." Mrs. Reed says, and exits the room to look for the letter. Matthew leans towards Robert, and begins to whisper.

"Mother has been the only one with Mary's address in two weeks time, and I do believe that Sybil would have told us by now if she had indeed given any note to Mother to send out. So, it makes sense, that there is no mail that has come to this address for Mary. But why would any mail have to be sent out to her from here if she is already here in Scotland?"

"I do not know, but this does seem peculiar." Robert says. Just then, Mrs. Reed reenters the room.

"We do still have the letter to be sent out to Lady Mary. It is to be picked up today for mailing. But, I did also find a letter for Lady Sybil Crawley as well, also sent from Duneagle Castle. I do believe they arrived at the same time, but Lady Mary's letter is to be sent to America, New York, by the looks of it, rather than to Downton. Was this a mistake? Should it be sent to Downton instead?" Mrs. Reed asks, as Robert realizes what has happened.

"What do you mean to America?" Matthew begins, but is cut off by Robert.

"Thank you so much for your time, Mrs. Reed. Please, if you wouldn't mind, could you retrieve the address for where Lady Mary's letter is to be sent?" Robert asks. Mrs. Reed nods, and begins to scribble down an address for the post office in New York. Matthew turns to Robert.

"Why would Mary go to America, Robert?" Matthew asks.

"Cora's mother's estate is there. I can't be sure that is indeed where she has gone, but that is the most logical idea I have as to where she may be." Robert says as Mrs. Reed hands him the address. As he looks down, he breathes deeply as he reads. "This Post office, Matthew, is just around the corner from the Levinson estate, I am sure of it." Robert says and Matthew lets out a deep breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and smiled. They both say goodbye to Mrs. Reed and thank her. As they both get back into the MacClare's car, Matthew begins to tell the chauffer to return them to the station at once, but Robert interjects.

"Um, no Matthew. We must go to Duneagle. One of them knows where my daughter and grandchild are, and I am determined to find out which one, and what they know." Robert tells Matthew. "Sir, please carry on to Duneagle."

DOWNTON. DOWNTON. DOWNTON.

Mary had awoken the next day, and after having her daily bout of nausea, and her usual buttered toast and scone, she had decided to make a trip to the house library. The home was so big that ever day, she found a new room or corridor that she hadn't known about the day before. She tended to mock her Grandmama for being ever so American whenever they had talked before. She looked around for several minutes, musing over each of the titles, pulling at ones that interested her, and putting them back after she determined that she had been wrong. After awhile she decided to pull some medical, and pregnancy related books, and began to walk out to return to her sanctuary in her room. Just as she was turning to close the door, another book she somehow missed, caught her eye.

_Andromeda._

Mary swallowed hard at the memory of when she was discussing the book with Matthew at dinner. She had been so hard on him for taking her inheritance, and eventually her home, simply because he was a man. A man whom should never had been forced into the position, a man whom loved to study law and furthermore, practice it. A man who once may have loved her, but was now engaged to someone else. Mary had learned to realize that Matthew hadn't been the sea monster after all. The sea monster had been her icy exterior that she showed to everyone that she met. Matthew had been Perseus after all. He had slowly started saving her from herself, and allowing her to see herself in a new light, but Perseus had lost after all. The sea monster won and Perseus, for all she knew, was dead somewhere in a field in France or Germany. God, she prayed, please let me be wrong. Let him have the happiness her deserves. I will not ask for anything more than that. Mary closed the door to the library, and walked back up to her room. As she read and studied up on pregnancy, she rubbed her slight stomach.

"It will be alright, little one. I promise."

DOWNTON. DOWNTON. DOWNTON.

Matthew protested the whole way from the postal office to Duneagle. These were people he had never met before, and now they had a new clue. Mary was having mail sent to America. To a post office just around the corner from her grandmother's estate. There was no doubt in his mind that their next step should have been to get on the next ship for America, but Robert continued to insist. After he and Robert and the family catch up, Robert, Matthew, the Earl and his wife decide to sit in the Duneagle drawing room for tea. Robert tells them that they likely wont be staying for dinner because their trip to Scotland was one they took with a purpose. He tells them that Mary had run off without explanation. He doesn't dare inform them that Mary is pregnant. Both carry a genuine shock, which surprises Matthew. _If they knew, they are doing a really good job of remaining emotionless. _Robert noticed it too. He decides to mention the visit to the postal office, and mentions the letter that was addressed to Mary in America. Both deny anything coming from them directly, and Matthew only grows more frustrated. Overhearing the conversation, one of the maids came forward.

"Excuse me, M'lord. Lord Grantham, where you discussing a letter sent from this house addressed to a Lady Mary? In America?" The maid asked.

"Yes, do you know of such a letter?" Matthew interjects.

"Lady Rose asked of me to post two letters for her just the other day. I remember one was addressed to Downton for Lady Sybil. By that I would assume, the second one could have been for Lady Mary, although I do not know why they wouldn't have been put in the same envelope." The maid tells them.

That is when the Earl calls upon the maid to fetch their daughter, Rose. Soon after, a light blonde haired girl came in. She was young, Matthew observed. Probably not more than 25 at the most, and even then Matthew had doubts. The Earl asked his daughter about the letters. At first, she claimed that she had written to Lady Rosamound in London, asking if she could visit in a few weeks. Robert knew this to be false however, because Rosamound was not in London and was currently traveling on business without a date of return. She had been delighted to announce it to the whole country that she would be leaving, which seemed rather foolish to Robert. When this is mentioned, Rose had gone rigid, remembering that Rosamound had mentioned she would be gone. She tried to think of something quickly, but seemed to only be stumbling on her words.

"Rose, you won't be in trouble, but we need to find Mary as quickly as possible." Matthew pleaded. "We want to make sure that she is safe."

"You're Matthew, huh?" Rose asks. He nods. "She told me about you. Told me how you threw her to the side after taking leave from the war. Aren't you engaged? Why aren't you off with your fiancé, instead of here chasing down a girl that is not yours?"

"Rose!" The Earl exclaimed. "Please forgive our daughter, Captain Crawley. But I do believe she carries a point. If you are engaged to be married to someone else, why are you trying to find another woman who is not so?"

"I am no longer engaged. My former fiancé and I came to a mutual decision and we have decided that we are better off apart than we are together. Please. There are extenuating circumstances here. Too many to count and mention. We just want to ensure that Mary is safe and let her know that she is loved back at Downton, where she belongs." Matthew pleads with them. The Earl looks back at his daughter.

"Rose, you will tell cousins Robert and Matthew what they need to know." Her mother added.

Sighing, Rose began. "She called on me shortly after she had arrived in America. She didn't give any specifics, and simply asked me to be her middle person. If any letters arrived at the postal office, I was to pick them up for her and begin the process of forwarding the letters to a postal office in America. Even if I knew exactly where she was, I only have a postal address for her. She could honestly be anywhere in America, and having someone transport the letters to her from there."

"I think that Postal office is our best plan, Robert." Matthew tells him. Robert nods, but motions him to step to the side.

"I agree about America, but I fear that with me still technically being a part of the army, they won't let me leave the country. I am certainly not going to have Cora or Edith go out and get her. Are you able to leave the country with first the amount of time for medical leave, and second the way your leg is. I would feel much better about you traveling if you took someone with you." Robert tells him.

"Fine. We shall call upon Mother and have her escort me. I told you when we left the postal office that we needed to get home and find the next ship leaving Downton. I am on Medical leave indefinitely." Matthew tells him, stumbling on his words for the last part.

"Very well, but I think you should take Sybil. If it is you and Cousin Isobel alone, Mary may very well decline to see you. Sybil and Mary have always had this unspoken connection. She could help you. I'll ensure that she is free from any royal duties, and she will join you and Isobel." Robert says, and Matthew nods.

"Very well." Robert says to Matthew. "Hugh, would you mind if used your telephone? I need to make a call to Downton and make a call to the station. I'm sorry to run, but Captain Crawley will have a ship to catch as soon as possible once we return."

The Earl and his wife stand and nod. "Of course, Robert. Follow me to the study." The Earl tells him.

Matthew lets out a sigh. _We're coming, Mary. _


	12. Chapter 11

A week after their discovery, Matthew remained in Downton, much to his displeasure. There was a travel ban with the war, and until it was lifted, no one was able to leave on any ships. Matthew fought hard in protest, but in the end, was met with a strict no. Each day he would return to Downton, hoping he would hear something had changed and that they would be on the next ship to America.

The letters from Rose had been sent by Airmail. Mary would certainly have received them by now. Matthew wished he had learned what they said, but it was between Mary and her cousin. After returning and learning that they would not soon be placed on a ship, Matthew decided it best to write a letter to Mary's address, and include the one letter he wrote to her that could have changed all of this. Sybil decided to write one to. When they were both ready, they stuck both into one envelope, addressed with the New York Postal address, and wrote the return address as Downton. They quickly sent it through Air Mail as well, and waited with hope that Mary would return their correspondence.

DOWNTON. DOWNTON. DOWNTON.

Another week, and Mary was still only wandering around the estate in her free time. She had decided to meet with a Doctor in the town that Martha had recommended, just to make sure that the baby was safe. At eleven weeks pregnant, the doctor had measured her and let her know her child was on the larger side, but all first time pregnancy's are different, and that she shouldn't have anything to worry about. Besides that one secret outing, Mary had remained indoors or within the property gates and no one to her knowledge besides Martha and her staff new of her location.

After several days Mary had received a letter from a man her mother had hired to drop letters to the Newport cottage. She could see that it had come from the Duneagle home, and assumed the letter was from Rose. Maybe she had received something from Downton and was doing what Mary asked and sending it in their place. Just as the man was about to leave, he rushed back up to the door.

"I'm very sorry, Lady Mary. I almost forgot that this was also addressed to you." He says as he hands her another envelope. She simply figured it was from her grandmother or another from Rose, so she bid the man farewell and returned to her room.

She tore into Rose's letter first, still not looking at the other envelope just yet, and to her disappointment, it was indeed just a letter from Rose.

_Dear Mary, _

_I hope you find that you are enjoying your travels and stay in America. I still have yet to receive any mail from Downton, and I am not sure whether I feel this is a good or bad thing for you. Not that I would have any room to decide or judge for you. You said that you went to America to escape the pressures of Downton, and what those pressures are I do not know. Maybe it is your family. Maybe its your current position. Maybe even a man that you had to get away from, for whatever reason. I have wondered that if and when I receive letters meant for you, if it would only do more harm than good if you were to end up reading them. Until I receive your answer, I will follow through with sending any letters I may receive, despite however much I do not agree with your decision to still receive them. I hope America gives you the change that you were hoping for, no matter the cause. Please write soon._

_Your loving cousin,_

_Rose MacClare_

Rose did give Mary something to think about. Mary had left Downton, perhaps to get away from all of the things Rose had mentioned. Would learning of what was continuing to happen in Downton in her absence the best thing for her? Mary contemplated this as she tore into the next letter, still not looking to discover whom the letter was from. She discovered three letters in the envelope. The first one came out and it was from Sybil.

_To my loving sister, Mary, _

_Oh my, Mary. What you have missed over the last several weeks. The house has been very different since you left. Papa and Mama have been even more distant than they already had been. About a week before me composing this letter, Papa had called a meeting between him, Mama, Granny, and Cousin Isobel. So many things came out in that meeting, and Mary, you would not believe it! Matthew had replied to your letter that you sent when he was going back to France after the concert. Mama was the one to first receive his letter and, pardon my writing, but after some rather stupid decisions had been made by Mama and Edith, they had hidden the letter from you in hopes that your heart would not be broken again. Mary, I can see where Mama had been coming from with her explanations, Edith not so much, but I still chastised them both over it, because I, and I believe you would feel the same, do not feel they had the right to meddle in someone else's life, even one of a grown daughter. I do not believe that either had read it because after I found it in Mama's 'secret' hiding spot, still as sealed as I believe it was when it was delivered. I have included the letter in this envelope. But Mary, that isn't even the most shocking thing to have happened. As the four of them had been arguing over whether to leave you be, or to go after you, Matthew came in! He has been wounded, but nothing too severe. Papa had written to him detailing your departure, and he had come straight after reading it. He had thought that maybe you had taken his letter wrong, and decided to leave him anyway, despite what he says he had written to you before, which I still do not know. I told him that you had not received his letter, and he was so upset. Mary, I have also included a letter that Matthew has written while he has been searching for you. I beg of you to please read both of his letters, and to make a decision on what to do next. Since his return, he has been searching for you nonstop. He truly loves you Mary, but I won't go into detail in hopes that you will read his letters and see how much he truly wants to see you and wants what is best for you. For the both of you. I do hope that you are taking care of yourself and my niece or nephew. I do hope you will make the best decision for the three of you, after you have read Matthew's letters of course. PLEASE, please do read them Mary. I am begging you as your sister._

_Also, I have yet to tell anyone, but Tom has finally told me that he is in love with me, and that someday he wants to marry me. Mary, I beg of you to not tell anyone, and to be happy for the both of us. We want to go and live in Ireland, and hope that Mama and Papa, and most importantly, Granny can see past all that has happened. I will wait until you have made a decision before I have decided what to do next for Tom and I. He has been the most patient man in waiting for me to be ready, and her understands that you are so very important to me, and I want to do everything I can to help you, before I ask of you to come to my wedding someday. _

_All my love,_

_Sybil_

Mary couldn't breathe. From what Sybil had said, Rose had not touched these letters, which meant that her family at Downton knew she wasn't in Scotland, and was indeed in America. Most important of all, they had her New York address. Matthew was alive. Mary found herself crying. After going so long of wondering, he was wounded, but he was alive! Mary smiled through her tears, then looked back down at the letter. She could not believe that her mother and Edith had conspired to hide her letter from Matthew and was surely going to see to it that they were more than merely chastised for the matter. Sybil and the Chauffer?! Mary must admit she hadn't been surprised to have read it. Sybil had trusted him to confide Mary's secret in him, much to her dismay. But so far, she had no reason to believe that Branson…Tom, had betrayed her trust.

She contemplated all of this as she fiddled with the other two letters and thought about one thing in particular. Matthew had been searching for her. He was upset that she had taken his letter the wrong way, even though she had not read it. He was engaged. He must have hidden it very well from Lavinia, or she imagined that he had a very maddened fiancé at home that must be very intimidated. She looks down at the two letters, and it is as though her hands have an independent mind as they pick one and open it. It is dated from several weeks ago, so this one must be his response that Mama and Edith had hidden. She wipes her eyes and begins to read.

_Dear Mary, _

_I wanted to make sure that you knew Moseley had delivered your letter to me before I left on the train. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to respond, but as you can imagine, the war is ragging, and I had to take care of some matters before I could give you a proper answer. I had guessed that you hadn't been asleep when I had come to your room after the concert, but I assumed that you had wanted nothing to do with me, so I decided not to push any harder, and gave my letter to your mother. You have no idea what it means to me to hear you say that you would never forget that night in London. After confiding in you about my nightmares from the war, and the many, many horrid things that the war has carried with me, we had fallen into bed together. I have no regrets from that night, not even with Lavinia. That night left me with a feeling as if though I had swallowed a box of fireworks. I have long imagined what being with you like that would be like, and I can only tell you that I would not have wanted the night to have gone any other way that it did. Besides waking up to an empty bed, it was even more than I could have ever imagined. After what you had said about Mr. Pamuk, I could never see you as damaged goods. You were a girl that was taken advantage of and forced into a situation that would have been terrifying for the strongest person in the world. I must tell you that I could never have been disgusted with you the morning after we had made love. In fact, I have never lost my feelings for you, even after we were separated. I would have loved to have awoken to your head on my chest, and our hearts beating together. I would have kissed your head and made you breakfast in bed. I would have hoped to have gotten the chance to carry on with you, in whatever way that you would have seen proper, as long as it meant that we would be together. But, as I said, I went looking for someone to love me as though I wish you would have if you hadn't left. If you had stayed, I would have never given Lavinia a second look, because Mary, I love you even more than you can ever imagine in that beautiful brain of yours. That is where the length of my response to your letter comes in. I have written to Lavinia, and we have ended things amicably. Mary, I am no longer engaged. Not because of what we did, and you should not feel as though you have caused it, but because I could never truly love someone in the same ways that I have and continue to love you. I do hope that you have continued to feel the same way that you had mentioned in your letter. I would like to ask you to wait for my return after the war. You have now given me something to live for and to fight for all in the same. And when I return, I would appreciate your blessing to ask your father for your hand in marriage. I had not thought about the idea of a pregnancy at the time, but Mary, if it does indeed happen, the child will be a blessing, and I hope that you would know that I would love the both of you forever. Please do tell me if it does happen. I will be the happiest of men on the front, despite the current situation. And even if you are not, in due time, I do hope that someday we will have many children. The more the better, once we are married. Mary, you are the person for me, no one could ever be half the person for me while you still walk the earth. I love you ever so dearly and hope to see you once I have returned. I want to make this work this time, for the both of us, for our family, whether that is now or in the future._

_Love you more than you can ever know,_

_Matthew_

Mary cried the hardest over these words, not sure whether her hormones had kicked in once again, or if she . She regrets not staying with Matthew after their night together, because she wanted everything that he had said and more after they both would have awoken in each other's arms. She was so sure that he would have run off himself if he had awoken first, when in reality he loved her just as much, if not more than she loved him. And he would be happy for a child to have resulted from that night, which it had, and he hadn't gotten a chance to know. She set the letter down and tore open the second one, all the while contemplating where she would turn to from here.

_Dear Mary,_

_I would imagine that Sybil has told you by now that I have returned from the war, due to an injury. A piece of shrapnel had hit an artery in my leg, but I shall be ok. I know about the baby, and I also know that you have not yet received my previous letter, where I had told you of my wishes once you would have read it. I have included it in Sybil's envelope, and wish for you to read that one first before you shall continue with the rest of my rambling in this letter. After you have read it, you will have learned about my separation from Lavinia, and my wishes for you, me, and our child. Mary, everything I had said in the previous letter had been and remains to be true. I wish that you would have gotten a chance to have seen it before you had run away. I have and remain very angry with your mother and Edith for not giving it to you when it had arrived. Sybil has said that she briefly explained what happened with your letter. Mary, I wish that you would tell me where you are? I want nothing more than to be the husband you deserve and the father that our child deserves. We shall live wherever you are the most happy, only returning when your father is ready to pass on the title, if that is what you wish. Your father has been your advocate through this process, which may come as a surprise to you. I hope you are not upset with everyone for coming forward with their information on you, we all just miss you so terribly much and want to see you with our own two eyes and know you are in fact safe. Mother came forward with the address you had given her to send letters to, and your father and I were on the next train to Scotland. Once we had arrived, we were led to Duneagle castle, where we came into contact with Rose. We received your information in America from the Postal office in Scotland. We know that it is local to your grandmothers estate in New York, and can only hope that you are there. We would have been on the next ship over, however, there has been a travel ban put into place, and until it is lifted, there are no boats in the harbor, and no travel. Please Mary, please write back to us and let us know that you are there in New York, and if not, tell us where you are. Sybil, mother, Tom (Strangely, I think he and Sybil have a thing between them, but your father agreed that it was best to have a chauffer come with us), and I will be on the next ship once it has arrived. We will not come to burden you. We only wish to understand what has happened and to see what you wish to do next, even if that means sending us away, which I will have a hard time doing if I lay eyes on you again, I must say. I want to see you again so much, that I have threatened to swim the Atlantic clear across, with my leg as it is, so that I may have the chance to hold you in my arms once again. I hope that you and the child are well, and that eventually we will reunite again. I cannot say this enough, Mary. I love you. I love you. I love you. Whatever I must do to make you believe, tell me and it shall be done. _

_Much love to you and the baby,_

_Matthew_

Mary let the letter fall from her hands. Matthew loved her, and he loved their child, despite what she had so stupidly rushed into and done. She paced around her room, debating on what to do next. It hit her and she had begun to pack. She had to go and see her grandmother again. 


	13. Chapter 12

Mary was on the next train to New York. She had packed her bag incase she was able to charter a ship directly from speaking to her grandmother. Neatly inside, she placed her clothes, a few knickknacks and the letters neatly inside, and prayed that she was able to find a ship back home, but first she must explain what happened to Martha. Once she arrived, she is announced by her grandmother's butler, and soon she is sitting in front of Martha.

"Mary, dear! You must make a habit of announcing your travels before arriving at someone's house! Not that I am not happy to see you, but I thought the next time I would be seeing you, it would be at the Newport cottage in a week for our get together. Here is your scarf since you are here now." Martha said as she handed the scarf to Mary and hugged her.

"I'm sorry grandmama, but I think that I've made a really big mistake. I have lied to you, and I have since received some information from Downton that has enlightened me to tell of the truth to you." Mary tells her.

"Oh, whatever do you mean, dear?" Martha asked, grabbing Mary's hand.

"I take it you have kept my location secret from Mama and Papa?" Mary asked.

"Yes dear. I wanted very much to send a telegram and give them a proper talking to about how they have handled your situation, but I decided against it. I haven't written or talked to them since you have arrived." Martha tells her.

"I appreciate your silence Grandmama, but I must tell you that I haven't been entirely truthful with you, with many people, I'm afraid. For starters, I told you that Mama and Papa sent me away after learning of my pregnancy, for me to have the baby and then decide what my next step would be. This is untrue. Mama and Sybil were the only two in the family that knew of the pregnancy when I had left. I left on my own free will in the middle of the night and came here soon after." Mary starts. "I had planned a way for people at home to send and receive mail to and from me. I told the father's mother the address of a postal office in Ireland, one close to a cousin on Papa's side. They have a daughter whom I called upon once I was here. I asked her to intercept any mail sent to me there and send it out to me here. It would arrive in New York, and the train would bring it to Newport, where the postal carrier would bring it to me. I received two letters this morning, both I had though been from Cousin Rose. I read one from her and then tore into the second without reading the address. It was from Downton. More specifically it was from Sybil and Matthew, the baby's father. They explained that a lot has changed in my time away from Downton. Sybil says that the family now knows I am pregnant, and strangely enough, Papa is okay with what has happened and simply wants me home, if I am okay to do that it seems. And Matthew, he is home from the war on medical leave. It seems as though he did send me a letter after I had sent mine to him. Mama and Edith, those cowards, hid the letter from me. He writes that he broke off his engagement…"

"Wait, he was engaged?" Martha asks. "You never said anything about him being engaged."

"He wasn't at the time. He was engaged after, and that is a whole really long story I will not bore you over. The point is he was engaged, and after we both confessed our true feelings, he said that he is still in love with me, and that he wants us to be a proper family, a husband and father if I will still have him." Mary tells her.

"And will you?" Martha asks.

"I really think I want to. He said that he would have been here by now, but there is a traveling ban because of the war, and even when it is lifted, grandmama, the ships are all over here on the coast. It will be two weeks before they could even get over, but if I am prepared to go when they release the restriction, I could be back there in a week. I did run away from Downton, and was prepared to say goodbye forever, but I must say, I do miss it, and I miss the family. Do you know anything of the restriction? When it will be lifted?" Mary asks.

"Then you must go Mary. I believe I heard that the allies were pushing back from the ports, and that there would be a ship leaving tonight from the ports. I will make a call, the port master is a friend, he should be able to get you on without delay. You will stay here until we are told for sure, that is that you have packed everything and brought it with you?" Martha asked, noticing the bag.

"Yes, grandmama. I was hoping that the ban would be released soon, and that I could get on the next available ship after I came here. I did borrow a couple of pregnancy books from the Newport Cottage library. I hope that you don't mind?" Mary asked.

"Of course! Keep them my dear. No one in this family in the states is getting pregnant any time soon." Martha laughed. "Oh, Mary! I just noticed your small bump! Isn't it early for that?"

"I saw the doctor that you recommended in Newport. He said that I was measuring a little bigger than most, but that every woman is different. I will admit I had an obsession with chocolate scones while in Rhode Island." Mary laughed. "But other than being a little bit more rotund, he says everything seems completely normal. My morning sickness still bothers me on occasion, but in a weird way, it helps me to know that the baby is still okay."

"That's really good, dear. Well, I shall call my friend at the port. Murray? Can you please turn the radio on to the news? We need to find a station regarding the local ports." Martha asks of her butler.

"Certainly, Mrs. Levinson." Murray says as he goes to scan for the radio station. Martha begins to walk to her phone.

"Grandmama?" Mary stops her. Martha turns. "I just realized if I leave tonight, you have no one to sing for your gathering." Mary asks, concerned.

"Mary, please don't worry about that. We've survived without a singer for this long, we can continue it and be fine." Martha smiles at her.

"Grandmama, I want to thank you for everything you have done for me these last few weeks. I know you didn't have to, and you don't know how much it does mean to me. When the time comes, I really would like for you to be there with us in Downton for the birth." Mary asks, tearing up.

Martha smiles and nods. "Of course dear, no one could stop me."

DOWNTON. DOWNTON. DOWNTON.

Matthew paces the library, as he has done each night since he and Robert had returned from Scotland and learned that there were no ships that were able to travel to America. Initially, he blamed Robert because Matthew had wanted to leave Duneagle as soon as they had a solid lead on Mary's location, but Robert insisted on staying. He had cried that night as he was trying to fall asleep, thinking of all the things he was missing all of the important moments with Mary. She had to be 11 weeks, nearly 12 by now, and he kept wondering what was happening. Was the baby ok? Was she having morning sickness? What little he knew about pregnancy ran rampant through his head each night as he would fall asleep, and it would continue throughout the next day. It seemed to be a vicious cycle and this evening in particular he had left the dinner table early and decided to pace the library in hopes of killing time, and he thought maybe he could make time go faster. Robert came in shortly after, despite knowing Matthews deep feelings towards him.

"Matthew, she will be ok. Honestly, don't you think she would be better off right now in America, instead of in the middle of a war? I know I haven't seen a war this time around, but I know Sybil's work as a nurse, and know the stories that have been mentioned. She's safer there than she would be here, Matthew. You must know that." Robert tells him as he takes a seat.

"Robert, I have seen first hand the dangers of what the war can do. And I hope you can forgive me, but they would never be more protected than if they were with me. I know it sounds selfish, but its how I feel. I can see what you mean, but I would die a thousand painful, torturous deaths before I would let anything happen to them. I keep wondering what Mary is doing, what new step in the pregnancy that I am continuing to miss. If only Mary had seen the letter, then maybe I wouldn't have to miss everything that I have. I'm sorry, Robert, but I just cannot contain my displeasure with Cousin Cora and Edith, and…and…" Matthew stops.

"And me for not getting us back to the ports when we could have. You probably could have been there by now to protect her, and the baby. To keep them safe." Robert says, not daring to look elsewhere but straight. Matthew continues to pace as the atmosphere of the room changed.

"Robert, I know by now that we would likely not have been able to have made it in time anyway. It had only been a few hours difference. I am sorry for taking my frustrations out on you Robert. I just miss her so terribly much." Matthew says as he sits across from Robert. "I just hate to have to sit and wait. I always have, but this, this carries a bigger importance like none other."

DOWNTON. DOWNTON. DOWNTON.

Mary had stayed the entire day at the Levinson estate. Martha had called upon her friend at the port and Mary would be on a ship this evening back to Downton. They were told to wait until they heard the news cast to know when exactly to come. For several hours Mary and Martha listened to the radio while making small talk. It was well past dark when they heard.

_Attention! Attention! This is a special news bulletin! Britain forces have fought back against the heavy German oppression, and have opened the transport over the Atlantic between Europe and America. All ships will be in circulation again starting at 12 am New York local time. All passengers may begin to arrive at 11pm for boarding._

Mary was going home.

DOWNTON. DOWNTON. DOWNTON.

Robert and Matthew had continued making small talk late into the evening. Cora, Edith and Sybil had all gone up to bed, after Isobel and Violet had gone back home. After a few minutes of silence in the room, Matthew gets back up and begins to pace, as Robert sighs. Suddenly, Carson came rushing in.

"M'lord! M'lord! I'm sorry to interrupt you so late, but a telegram just came in. I believe it is marked as coming from the harbor master." Carson says as he hands Robert the telegram, Matthew looking on anxiously.

Robert lets out a deep breath. "The Harbor Master says that the ships will be in circulation again this evening. They will leave from America at 12 am local New York time and shall arrive here in one weeks time. He writes that he will have four rooms prepared for you all as soon as the first ship has arrived."

The three smile. They would be seeing Mary again. Very soon.


	14. Chapter 13

On the night of her departure, at midnight, after saying her farewells to Martha, and apologizing once again, to which Martha told her to not think anymore into it, and to take care of herself, the baby and Matthew when the time was right, Mary had taken off on the first ship that departed New York for Britain. Over the next seven days, her morning sickness, like before, seemed to mix with motion sickness from the ship, and she spent the majority of her travels indispose. During the final hours, she started to debate whether her current actions were the right ones after all. On the top deck of the ship, she could see land and the harbor in the distance, but all the while she kept thinking. _What if he is only trying to do the right thing? He says he loves me, and wants to love this child, but what if he was happier with Lavinia? What if by revealing everything, he had made the worst decision of his life and she should have stayed in America, and left him and Lavinia to happily become the Earl and Countess of Grantham? _

As they pulled into port and began to unload the passengers, it began to rain. Mary had heard as a young girl that rain had meant good luck, but Mary was hesitant walking off the ship. As she began to walk to the harbor phone in hopes of calling upon a chauffeur, she saw the length of the line waiting for the phone. She figured many people must have had the same idea when they had arrived. Deciding it would be faster to walk rather than wait for the phone, she grabbed a newspaper that had been left on a bench and began to run in an attempt to get back to Downton, and avoid the rain, even though she was already soaked. Even her hat had been blown off by the wind that she decided it best to take it off. As she was running, the fog seemed to only thicken as she made her way into the village. She contemplated going straight to Crawley house, but decided that it was better if she were to get back to the Abbey, if only just to clean herself up before having to face everyone, but to also allow herself more time to decide what she was going to do when she eventually set eyes on Matthew again.

She finally met the gravel of the driveway to the Abbey and a bolt of lighting shot out of the sky, and Mary shrieked and nearly jumped out of her skin. She ran faster and was met with an opening door. Anna, and Mr. Carson opened the door.

"Lady Mary!? What on earth! Why haven't you called for a car? Get inside, M'lady!" Carson tells her. Just as she enters, lightning strikes again. Shaking herself off in the entrance corridor, Anna comes up to her, smiling, and takes her coat from her shoulders and walks away from the two. After some more deep breaths, Carson turns her towards him, and envelopes her into a hug, to which she returns.

"I know it may not be proper, but M'lady, we have missed you very much since you left. His Lordship had reason to believe you had gone to America to be with your grandmother? Is it true? You are pregnant?" Carson asks, stepping away to release Mary, and look down at her stomach.

"Yes. It is all true Carson. And you wouldn't believe how much I have missed you all as well." Mary smiles, looking up at the man that had raised her. "Is Papa in the library?" Mary begins to walk towards the door, but Carson grasps her arm, shock spreading over his face.

"M'lady! Pardon my lack of thoughtfulness. They have all left to go down to the harbor. They are planning on seeing off Lady Sybil, Mr. Crawley, Mrs. Crawley, and Mr. Branson! Although I don't agree with the latter, your father agreed, and Lady Sybil seems to have strongly advocated, for what reason, I do not know. They are departing soon to search for you in the states!" Carson quickly states. Mary's eyes widen and she internally kicks herself for not realizing that they would be on the first ship back to America.

"Well, we must stop them Carson! I am very much here in Downton! Please call upon the Harbor Master and have him pull them back off! Is there anyone else here that can drive me back to the harbor?" Mary asks as she attempts to retrieve her coat, and begins to walk back the door.

"I'm afraid not, M'lady. I will go and call upon the harbor master in hopes that they have not already left yet, but M'lady, you must not go back out in this weather!" Carson proclaimed, but it was already too late. As Carson turned his back, Mary dashed out of the Abbey and made her way quickly back up the driveway, praying that she would catch them in time.

DOWNTON. DOWNTON. DOWNTON.

Matthew, Isobel, Sybil and Tom had just gotten onboard after quickly saying their goodbyes to Robert, Cora, Edith, and Violet. Just as Matthew placed a foot on the ship, the Harbor Master came running up the dock.

"Lord Grantham! Mr. Crawley!" He yelled waving his hands to get their attention. Matthew quickly made his way back down the ramp, apologizing to a few people after he accidently hit them, the other three trailing behind.

"What is it, Sir?" Robert asks.

"I'm so glad I caught you in time, Mr. Crawley. I just received a call from Mr. Carson. You all are to return back to Downton at once, he says there is an emergency!" The harbor master tells them.

"Sir, I will return there with my mother, wife, and daughter straight away, but the other four must get on this ship now! They have important business to handle in America, and cannot miss this ship." Robert says as the four turn to board the ship again, but are stopped.

"That's just it, Lord Grantham. I am to tell you that your daughter, Lady Mary has shown up back at Downton. Mr. Carson says that he tried to stop Lady Mary, but she quickly left the Abbey on foot, presumably to locate you all." The Harbor Master says, and Matthews head snaps back.

"Lady Mary is here?" Matthew says. "She came out in this weather, by herself?" The Harbor Master nods, and the group sigh in relief. Matthew throws down what luggage he had with him, and begins to sprint back up the dock.

"Matthew! Matthew! Wherever are you going? We shall take the car back to Downton!" Violet exclaims as the rest nod in agreement. Matthew pauses for a moment, hair already dripping large drops of water from the rain.

"I'm sorry, Cousin Violet, but Mary is out in this weather, I have to find her now!" Matthew exclaims as he begins to run again, leaving the remaining members of the group to smile, sigh, and hug each other.

Matthew new he was crazy to go out in this weather without the protection of a car, but he couldn't worry about that now. Mary was here! Back in Downton! And he couldn't spend one second more apart from her, especially knowing she was here. He smiled at the thought, but the smile faded because he knew she was out in this weather, carrying their child, frantic. He finally made it into town, but could not stop running. He wasn't sure if it was adrenaline that was carrying him, but knew if he were to have made this dash on his own, he would not have made it this far so quickly. As he arrived into the town center, across the street, he could see a flash of brown hair and a dress that only Mary could have pulled off. He stopped momentarily, and gasped.

"Mary! Mary!" Matthew says as he waves her down. She stops dead in her tracks, signaling that she did in fact hear him, and quickly turns in the direction of his voice. For a moment, dripping wet in the pouring rain, they just stood there looking at each other and catching their breaths. It was if they were seeing each other in the same way they did, the first time they had met. In a way, it was the first time they had set eyes on each other in almost 11 weeks. She is the first to move and begins to run towards him, not caring what was in her path. She sets foot into the street first and begins to cross. Matthew went towards her, but saw a speeding car come around the corner, and Mary was in its immediate path. Matthew ran faster, yelling for her to stop, but over the engine, and the pounding of the rain around them, Mary does not hear him.


	15. Chapter 14

Just as the car was about to make contact with Mary's legs, Matthew swung them out of the way, making sure to cushion her fall on the wet pavement. For several moment's they both laid in each other's arms, relief coming over them. After a few moments they looked up at each other as they tried to catch their breath. They both smiled at each other as Matthew placed a hand on Mary's cheek.

"Matthew." She says, water dripping from her face on to Matthew's shirt.

"Mary," he says with tears in his eyes.

He wasn't sure if the pain that was developing in his leg had any impact on his emotional state at the time, but simply knew he was holding the only woman he ever truly loved in his arms again. His family was home. They gave each other a strong hug, the strongest that each could muster while cold and soaking wet. Many people from the village that had witnessed the event stepped outside with umbrellas and were trying to make sure they were ok, when suddenly, their family was at their side, Edith crying.

"My god! Mary, I'm so sorry! The breaks locked in the car, it wouldn't stop! I swear it wouldn't! The ground is just so wet!" Edith says, as Robert and Tom come around and help both Mary and Matthew get to their feet. Matthew's anger finally began to hit him all at once.

"Edith! You could have killed her!" Matthew exclaimed, and then lowered his voice, so the villagers around them couldn't hear the next part. "You could have killed them both!"

"Matthew! Please! Calm down!" Mary begins, placing a hand on his arm. "I believe her about it being the storm, and the roads." Matthew and Edith both snap their heads around to Mary, Matthew in fury, and Edith in complete shock.

"Thank you, Mary." Edith said looking down, confused at the small gesture.

"Wait!" Matthew says, grabbing Mary's arm. "After all that she has done, you are going to forgive her for this? You could have been killed! Did you hear what she and your mother did with your letter?" Mary looked to the spot where he was gripping her arm a little too tight and then back to him. Matthew saw this and released her but did not let up in the detail of his gaze.

"Matthew," Sybil begins.

"Recent events have shown me that there are more important things in life rather than holding a grudge, Matthew." Mary says. Matthew's anger does not fade.

"Matthew." Sybil says, slightly louder than last time; However, no one seems to hear her. She and Robert make eye contact, and he moves to stand by her.

"I don't understand you, Mary. I don't think I ever will." Matthew says, looking away.

"Matthew!" Robert exclaims.

"Robert, I am sorry, but," Matthew begins, but Robert cuts him off.

"Your leg, my boy!" He says. Matthew looks down at where he was wounded, and a small patch of red began to seep into his khaki colored slacks. Mary nervously moved to look as Sybil and Isobel began work to stop the bleeding.

"We will need to get him back to Crawley house. I believe he has reopened his wound. I have supplies at the house. Sybil and I can get him patched up." Isobel tells everyone as they turn to put Matthew into one of the cars.

"I'll come with you," Mary says. She heard Matthew grunt in protest, and Violet turns to Mary, stopping her.

"Mary, I think it would be better if we went back to Downton. You should get changed, and let Isobel and Sybil get Matthew back into fighting shape." Violet says in a tone where Mary new she had no way of protest. She nodded and Tom began to climb into the front to drive them, but Matthew stops him.

"Branson, take everyone else back to Downton. As much as I don't want to be near her, I can't let Edith drive them home." Matthew says, making sure Tom knew exactly whom he was referring to. Tom nods and calls Edith over and they drive off to Crawley house, as Mary looks on. When they were out of sight, Mary, Robert, Cora, Violet, and Tom climbed into the second car and drove back to Downton. As soon as they arrived, Carson and Thomas were outside immediately with umbrellas. Carson and Robert helped Mary inside, and the rest of the family followed close behind.

Mrs. Hughes was inside when the family arrived back home, and her eyes went wide when she saw the state that Mary was in. Robert spoke first.

"Mrs. Hughes, can you help Lady Grantham get Lady Mary up to her room. Carson, can you go and grab Anna? Tell her to help Lady Mary clean up in her room. Lady Sybil and Lady Edith may arrive shortly. Also have Mrs. Obrian help with Lady Grantham. Once Mary is tidied up, please have her join me in the library." He says. Carson nods and walks off as Robert enters the library.

DOWNTON. DOWNTON. DOWNTON.

Upstairs, Anna arrived to help Mary get cleaned up and into dry clothes. Cora nearly had to be dragged out of Mary's room by Mrs. Obrian, but after a few minutes of awkward silence, she left and Obrian shut the door behind them.

"I'm very happy to have you home, M'lady. It really hasn't been the same since you left." Anna says, as she removes Mary's coat again. Anna glanced at Mary's stomach briefly and looked back up at her and smiled.

"Thank you, Anna. It's nice to be home, but I am not sure everyone else agrees with your pleasure of my return." Mary sits down at her table and Anna dries her off with a towel.

"I think everyone is happy, M'lady. Its just everyone was not expecting you to leave how you did, and with everyone learning the news since, it has been a very hectic time. Mr. Crawley and his Lordship were exploring every option to find you and discuss having you come home." Anna tells her as she begins to undress Mary. Deciding that it would be best to put her in something simple, she grabbed a black cotton sweater dress that came down to her mid-calf and slipped her into it.

"Well, Mr. Crawley seems to have changed his tune on his way back from the ship. Something happened after I left, and he doesn't seem to agree with how I took the event, and then his wound on his leg opened back up and suddenly he was gone again. Anna, I keep trying to do the right thing, say the right thing, to fix what has already happened and can't be undone, and I can't seem to begin to understand where to start." Mary says as she slips into her shoes. Anna begins to work on her hair, and after a few seconds, she begins to speak.

"M'lady, can I give you some advice?" Anna asks. Mary nods in approval. "A mere moment can change things forever. Since Mr. Crawley came home, he hasn't stopped searching and wondering where you were and how to get to you. He spent several late nights in the library with your father, and even alone some nights, praying for your return. A man that does that for a woman, isn't truly angry with you. He's angry with himself, in my opinion. I don't think he is angry with you, even about whatever may have happened today. He was very angry with her Ladyship and Lady Edith over your letter, and still is, I'm afraid."

Anna does Mary's final touches and tells her that Robert was waiting for her in the library. She thanks Anna and dismisses her. She takes a deep breath as she looks at herself in the mirror. She thinks about how much has changed in the last few weeks, not only in her appearance, but in her life in general. She had gone from a girl who had broken the heart of a man that she loved, a man who had, a day later, sworn off ever wanting to have any kind of relationship with her and went on to get engaged to another woman, after already getting her pregnant, and now, after confessing their feelings to each other, they were separated again, after just finding their way back to each other. Taking another deep breath, Mary walks out and to the library. When she enters, she sees her father looking out the window, sipping on a glass of port that he likely shouldn't have been drinking so early in the day.

Robert turned once he realized that she had come in, and motioned for her to sit on the couch. As she sat, he sat across from her. Fearing the discussion and the yelling that was getting ready to ensue, Mary began to speak first, but Robert stops her.

"How are you?" he asks, calmly, concern and love written all over his face. Mary looks at him, questioning if the port he had when she had come in was his first of the day.

"I'm okay, Papa. Matthew took the brunt of our fall. I landed on him, so besides some fearful excitement, I am okay." Mary says, keeping the same look on her face.

"No, Mary. I mean I am happy you are okay, but I meant how are you? How are both of you?" Robert says, motioning to Mary's stomach, with tears in his eyes. "Should we call upon Clarkson? Just to check?"

"So far, we are okay. If you think we are ok calling Clarkson, with my situation, I wouldn't mind him stopping by. I did see a doctor outside of the village before that seems to be discreet, if you'd rather me see him. I'm sure Branson could drive me." Mary says, trying to see what her father was trying to get at.

"We can trust Clarkson to be discreet." Robert pulls on the cord and tells Carson to call upon Dr. Clarkson to come by and see Mary. "I won't press for information, Mary. I received the majority of it when we all believed that you were in Scotland from Isobel's letter. I simply want to apologize to you."

"For what do you mean, Papa?" Mary asks, quizzically.

"For your childhood. I know I was not the most involved Papa, and I believe that may have been why you thought you could not tell me about everything that happened over the past couple of months. Mary I want you to know, I could never hate you. I am sorry that you felt that I wouldn't protect you. Your Mama also told me about what had happened with Mr. Pamuk and how you were involved. I personally don't believe you willingly participated in that, because I know my daughter. He would have had to have done some pretty strong convincing and even then I still wouldn't believe it. He forced himself onto you didn't he?" Robert asks. Mary nods, and he continues. "You are my daughter and I love you. I'll love you no matter what, and while this isn't what I would have had planned for you, I could never despise you, or your child. Your child." Robert laughs, "I'm going to be a grandfather. You're carrying my first grandchild, Mary. I could never, ever despise or be mad at you for that."

Mary begins to cry at his heartfelt sentiment. "Oh, Papa!" Mary moves to hold him in a hug.

"I left because I didn't want to bring shame to Downton, shame to you. I wanted to make sure that the family, and Matthew and Lavinia, were going to be okay, be happy. I never meant for any of this to happen Papa, but now that it has, I plan to love this child, no matter what Papa. If that means you want me to go away again, that's what I will have to do, but I could not bare to give up this child." Mary says.

Robert nods, anxiously. "Mary, I would not send you away. God knows Matthew would never allow it. Mary, that man loves you with all of his heart. He wants nothing more than to be with you and take care of you and his child. If him saying as much himself doesn't show it, his actions once he knew you were gone should be."

"I thought so once too, Papa. When Edith almost killed us with the car, he made it clear that he doesn't trust me with important decisions for this baby. When I forgave Edith, and everyone knows how hard that was, I was being truthful when I said that recent events have shown me that holding anger against something or someone does more harm than good. This baby has helped me realize that there are always more important things to consider. Not to say that I am pleased with Mama or Edith, but this baby is more important than that anger. I just wish Matthew could see that too." Mary said looking down at her hands.

"Mary, I understand where your insight comes from, and it is very honorable because it is a mothers instinct if I have ever seen one. But when it comes to a father, a real father, it is his duty to make sure that his family is safe. I really feel that he was just trying to protect you." Robert pauses. "Mary, I am going to tell you something, and I have said the same thing to Matthew. You both will have to learn how to begin to fight fair. A successful relationship always must have compromise." Mary sighs, knowing Robert is right. Suddenly, Carson comes in.

"M'lord. Dr. Clarkson has just phoned. He is at Crawley house with Mr. Crawley to evaluate his injuries. I assume Lady Sybil or Mrs. Crawley contacted him once they returned. Mr. Crawley is asking for Lady Mary, and Dr. Clarkson has asked if she would like to be seen there, so that he can stay near Mr. Crawley, and so that Mr. Crawley can talk with Lady Mary. Branson will be around with the car, if you shall agree?" Carson asked Robert. He looks at Mary, and she nods hesitantly in approval.

"I'll go," Mary says as she hugs Robert and begins to have her jacket put on as Branson brings the car around.


	16. Chapter 15

After arriving back to Crawley house, Isobel asked Sybil to call upon Doctor Clarkson to help them. She didn't doubt her own abilities, but it was her son, and she needed all available resources. They went to cut off Matthews pants to be able to reach the wound, but Matthew attempted to protest. After some convincing, he allowed them to continue. As they cut away his pants, Isobel let out a quiet sob as they pulled his pant leg away. His entire left leg was swollen what looked about 3 times too big, and was covered in bruises and the majority of his wounds looked to be infected. It was evident that Matthew had not followed through with any credible doctors orders to help ensure he healed properly, and that he had a major infection, and one of the larger wounds opened back up after he had run, which no one could understand how he did, with his leg in this shape.

Clarkson worked fast to make sure that his wounds were drained, cleaned, sutured, and wrapped properly. He had Sybil fix a medication of Iodine, bromine and Mercury, and gave Matthew an injection in order to help with the infection, and then they were left to wait. Sybil joined Edith in the hall, who looked absolutely distraught, but did not care to comfort her sister, with whom she was still angry with.

An hour or two had passed, and Moseley rushed into the room. Matthew had drifted off, but was awoken by Isobel, Clarkson and Moseley nervously chatting in the corner.

"What is it?" He mumbled tiredly from the bed. The three looked back and forth between each other nervously, and then Clarkson began to speak.

"I have received a call from Downton to check in on Lady Mary. I hear that she may have a condition, that you are familiar with?" Clarkson asked. Matthew nodded. "I believe that nothing significant has happened, but Lord Grantham just wants her to be checked after your fall earlier today. I am trying to decide if it is best to leave you here with Mrs. Crawley, and Nurse Sybil, and to make my way up their quickly, or if I should call upon a colleague to assist me with one of the cases."

"Can she come here? That way they are both under the same roof to be checked on?" Isobel suggested. Clarkson thought it over and looked to Matthew for approval. Matthew nods.

"I think it would be best. I do think I should apologize…For my actions in the square." Matthew says.

"Very good, sir." Moseley nods to Matthew, and then leaves to call Carson again.

About 15 minutes later, Mary arrived and Moseley asked her to have a seat in the sitting room, and that Dr. Clarkson was just finishing checking up on Matthew. She walked into the room and was surprised to find a smaller, but beautiful piano off in the corner of the room. She took note of the instrument and wondered if somehow she had missed it in her previous visits or if the item had arrived while she had been away. She was surprised that she couldn't actually tell, and was upset with herself that she had never observed how beautiful the home had been.

After a short time, Isobel found Mary looking at the many pictures from around the room, and smiled. She was not happy that Mary had left Downton with the intention of her son never being able to know his first child. But she had to admit, outside of cousin Violet's occasional atrocious advice, Mary was a bright girl, and Isobel knew that Matthew was truly smitten, despite his earlier actions. She was happy that Matthew would get a chance to be a father after all, and she a grandmother.

"Mary," Isobel called. Mary turned and smiled slightly at Isobel. "Dr. Clarkson will see you now. You can come up to my room and wait for him there. Matthew is in the guest room downstairs so that he doesn't have to try and manage the stairs."

Mary nods and follows Isobel up the stairs. "How is Matthew? Were you and Clarkson able to stop the bleeding? What would have caused him to bleed like that? Was his war wound worse than was originally thought?"

"Matthew will be okay, I feel. He bled so badly because he stressed his wounds by running. It was worse than originally intended, but I feel that is Matthew's topic to discuss with you. If you'll excuse me, I will let Clarkson know that you are here." Isobel says after she shows Mary to her room.

After Clarkson examines her, he informs her that besides a few minor scrapes and bruises she and the baby is and will be ok. He agrees with her previous doctor that she is measuring slightly bigger, but says that with a proper diet she should be fine. She is estimated to be about 14-15 weeks at this point, and it isn't until 20+ weeks that they can begin to hear a heartbeat. He recommends a doctor in London who may be able to look into her particular case once she reaches the time, and is more trained in obstetrics, but also agrees to stay on as long as Mary wants him to. Isobel comes in as Clarkson prepares to leave, believing that he has done all that he can at the time for both Mary and Matthew.

"Matthew has asked to speak with you, if you are willing. He wants to meet you in the sitting room so as to not trouble you with the mess that is the guest room. I suppose I may have to call upon Mrs. Byrd to make a trip to the market and purchase some more linens. Is everything okay with you and the baby? I am just now noticing that you are showing ever so slightly." Isobel says, nodding to Mary's stomach. They begin to walk back to sitting room.

"Clarkson says everything is fine. I simply can only ask for my morning illness to ease up. As you can imagine the voyages across the Atlantic were not easy ones. Isobel, I must tell you, I am sincerely sorry. For leaving without cause and for causing you the burden of having to conceal the Scotland address from the family. Most importantly, I am sorry for the pain I have cause Matthew. I likely will never be able to explain what it has done to me inside that we have come to this point." Isobel grasped Mary's hand in acknowledgement of the apology. They both enter the sitting room, and Mary decides to ask a question.

"Isobel, is the piano a new fixture? Or have I somehow missed it in my previous visits?" Mary asked motioning towards the piano.

"After Matthew had gone, I purchased it so that I would have something to keep my hands busy. I'm afraid that I haven't learned much." Isobel said.

"If you would like, I could teach you what I know sometime." Mary said.

"I would like that." Isobel tells her. "Would you play me something now?"

"I mustn't. Matthew probably would be bothered by it, seeing as the last song I played in his presence was not the greatest moment." Mary said shying away from the piano.

"Oh, please do. If Matthew shall have anything to say, he can take his pipe and smoke it." Isobel said, encouraging Mary. After a moment of contemplation, Mary nods and moves to sit at the piano. She flips open the key cover and looks down at the black and white keys. Taking a deep breath, she begins to play.

_Car is parked, bags are packed _

_But what kind of heart doesn't look back_

_At the comfortable glow from the porch_

_The one that I will still call yours_

_All those words came undone_

_And now I'm not the only one _

_Facing the ghosts that decide _

_If the fire inside still burns_

_All I have, all I need_

_He's the air I would kill to breathe _

_Holds my love in his hands_

_Still I'm searching for something _

_Out of breath, I am left hoping someday _

_I'll breathe again_

_I'll breathe again_

_Open up next to you_

_And my secrets become your truth_

_And the distance between that was sheltering me_

_Comes in full view_

_Hang my head, _

_break my heart_

_built from all I have torn apart_

_And my burden to bear is a love_

_I can't carry anymore_

_All I have, all I need_

_He's the air I would kill to breathe _

_Holds my love in his hands _

_Still I'm searching for something_

_Out of breath I am left_

_Hoping someday I'll breathe again_

_Oh it hurts to be here_

_I only wanted love from you_

_Yeah, it hurts to be here_

_What am I gonna do?_

_All I have, all I need, _

_He's the air I would kill to breathe_

_Holds my love in his hands_

_Still I'm searching_

_All I have, All I need, _

_he's the air I would kill to breathe_

_Hold's my love in his hands_

_And still I'm searching for something, _

_Out of breathe, I am left hoping someday_

_I'll breathe again_

_I'll breathe again_

_I'll breathe again_

_I'll breathe again_

_I'll breathe again_

_I'll breathe again_

As she finished, she cried silently. She looked through the window above the piano. She saw trees and birds and walking trails. She knew she needed to gain her composure quickly so that Isobel wouldn't see her emotions. She looked down, and felt a strong hand on her shoulder. She turned quickly, not bothering to disguise her tears. Her eyes were met by a pair of crystal blue ones.

"Hi," Matthew tells her.

"Oh, Matthew…" Mary says.


	17. Chapter 16

Turning completely towards Matthew, Mary broke down into tears. In front of her Matthew sat in a wheelchair, his leg seemingly bandaged up. She grasped his hand and could not bear to look him in his crystal blue eyes. Matthew moved to wipe away her tears.

"Matthew, I am so terribly sorry. This is entirely my fault. I was so foolish with my actions- my actions with you, with-with the baby." Mary sobbed looking at their intertwined fingers.

"Mary. Mary, please look at me." Matthew pleaded, lifting her chin with his free hand. When their eye's met, Mary saw just as much emotion in his eye's as he would likely be witnessing in hers.

"Mary, none of this, any of this, was or is your fault. It is no one's fault. Mary, what we did, this baby that we created, he or she were created out of the expression of love. I cannot, and most certainly will not, speak for you, but I have been in love with you from the moment you came here and ripped me a new one for what I said all those many years ago. We both have gone back and forth, living our own definitions of who each of us wanted to be, who Downton wanted us to be. But Mary, I truly believe that God wants us to be together. That is why this baby was created. This baby holds all of the love that we could have ever felt for anything, for any one person alone. More than the love we have felt for each other." Matthew looks down at Mary's stomach, and smiles slightly. "You're starting to show."

Mary nods, then looks away. "Matthew, you barely know me. You know what Downton has expected of me, what Papa has expected of me. Aside from what had happened with Mr. Pamuk, which till this day, I have no earthly idea how it has remained contained inside Downton's walls, this pregnancy, this child, is and will be the biggest controversy among Downton, among the country. Matthew, you should not feel obligated to do anything for or by me and this baby. You have the earldom ahead of you one day! You don't need an illegitimate child and its mother hanging over your position." Mary shakes her head as she stands and begins to pace.

Matthew turns the chair towards Mary, growing increasingly frustrated that he couldn't pace after her. "Mary, would you please stop with that nonsense! I won't listen to any of it. I keep telling you over and over that none of this matters, nothing that either one of us has done matters. The only things that matter to me now are that you and our child are back where you both belong. We belong together, Mary. I believe that more now than ever. What must I say to make you understand you are all I will ever want for my future?" Matthew says desperately, staring at Mary's back as she peered out the window. Through the windows reflection, Matthew could recognize the look on Mary's face. She was trying to figure out her next plan of attack, her next quip to disarm him, but he couldn't see anyway she could rebut against him. Mary takes a deep breath and turns to face him once more.

"Do you love me enough to spend your life with me?" Mary asks, causing him to recall the same question he had asked her at the garden party. Despite her seriousness, Matthew smiles.

"Matthew, I am serious!" Mary exclaims.

"I know and that is just exactly what I am as well." Matthew reaches into his pocket and pulls something out, small enough that Mary couldn't readily identify what the item was. Mary turns back to the window again.

"I don't follow what you mean Matthew, but I must say your failure to answer my question does not carry a promising outlook." Mary says. "Even if we did attempt to make this work, Matthew, we can barely make it through one sentence without arguing. Matthew, how would we make-" Mary says as she turns and sees Matthew holding both her lucky charm and a beautiful diamond ring, fit for a queen.

"Mary, I love you enough to spend many lifetimes with you. Mary, this ring was my grandmother's. My grandfather made me promise to give this ring to the one woman I would never, ever be able to live my life without. Lavinia never laid eyes on this ring, Mary. I knew that you were the one to be the recipient of this ring from the moment you tore into me just outside of the entryway. Mary, you and our child are always going to be the most important things in my life. You both already mean more to me than the earldom ever has, or ever could. If I were asked to give it all up in order to remain at your side, I would already be packed. I swear to you, on my life, Mary, I love you more than my own life. We have lived our own lives separately for long enough. It is time that we, the three of us, live our lives together. Mary Josephine Crawley, will you do me the great honor of becoming my wife, and the mother of our child?"

"Well, I am already this child's mother…Matthew, I…" Mary says.

"Mary, I am prepared to take you to Rippon as soon as you are ready. We can bring the family or go alone and elope. I don't want to spend one single second more not being able to recognize you as my wife. I don't care what Downton says. Our families are prepared to see us through it all. All that is left is for you to say you agree to be my wife." Matthew says, grabbing her hand and running his thumb over her fingers.

"Matthew." Mary says, tears welling up in her eyes once more. "It would make me the happiest person in the world to marry you, and become your wife. As long as you are sure, I am sure." Matthew smiles, and leans up to kiss her.

"I am unbelievably sure."


	18. Epilogue

Epilogue

The following day Mary and Matthew were married in a small ceremony with only their closest relatives present, much to the complaints of outsiders later. A few months later, Mary's large stomach was explained when she and Matthew welcomed both a daughter and a son, one crisp day at the Downton Hospital. They named their children Amelia Claire and Andrew Phillip Matthew Crawley. Shortly after, Sybil announced that she and Tom would be married with or without her parents permission, and they indeed got married, and later had a boy they named Patrick Ryan. Edith carried on a career in the paper industry, writing columns. She met a man named Arthur Wellingham and fell madly in love with him, as did his Lord and Ladyship. She was married soon after and then delivered a healthy little girl they named Avery Violet.


End file.
